Don't call the therapist ahead of time. Let your wife own her dishonesty. You are trying to control the future which is a fruitless endeavor. She is driving the bus and the only choice you have is if you want to ride with her or drive your own bus. (Sorry for the cheesy analogy).
Now is the time to focus on you and the kids. What kind of man/father/husband do you want to be? Once you figure that out, you'll be in the driver's seat and you will decide if your wife is the kind of person you want in your life. What kind of mother is she? What kind of life partner has she been? You should look at those questions honestly before you decide you want her back in your life and that of your kids.
Right now she knows that she has you on the hook. She gets to decide if she stays or goes. It's the ideal position because she has a soft landing either way. She will probably delay making a decision as long as possible. You're still worried about how she will react to your decisions, so you won't make any...and she knows it. How can she respect you if you are more concerned with her opinion of you than your own opinion of you?
Have you seen an attorney? Knowing your rights and responsibilities will provide more clarity to your decisions--it won't make them any easier. Being a physician, you know that having more information enables you to better evaluate the risks and rewards of any particular course of action.
Is Mr. Nooner married? If so, his wife should know that she is being put at risk.
Don't protect your wife from her decisions. She is an adult and has to deal with the consequences.
