WAW in affair. Help!

[Norm914]

Thanks, Puppy, for taking the time to post all of that. Goes to show, it ain’t over ‘til it’s over.

I was just thinking about whom I would expose the A to. BIL and his wife are first on my list. As I mentioned earlier, BIL is something of a patriarch in the family. He’s a level headed and discreet man, and W respects him. She’ll be devastated that he knows, but she can also trust him not to expose to the rest of the family allowing her some relief.

W is very close to my mom and very friendly with my sisters. I want to restore my marriage so I want as little collateral damage as possible. If W insists on a D, she would know that I’ll then have no reason not to expose to my mom, sisters, or our friends. She’ll have to decide how large a price she wants to pay -- how badly she wants a divorce. It’ll make her think.

I had decided that while I may not be able to stop her from having an affair, I damned sure wasn't going to let her continue to LIE about it to her parents and to our adult daughters, and try to say that I was being "paranoid" and accusing HER, when everything I was claiming was 100% TRUE.

I fully expect this from W. When I asked if she was having an A (again, early on, a gut feeling, and being ignorant), her tone was indignant/you’re crazy. I’ve learned from this board and other sites that that is normal.

She then SORT of told me the truth, denying that it had become physical (which I later found out was also a lie).

I will get, “We’re just friends!”

In the ensuing couple of weeks, I gave my wife repeated chances to end the affair -- she refused 5-6x.

Did she refuse outright as in “No, I won’t stop” or did you know she was refusing because you continued to gather intel?

What was your evidence in total? I remember reading how you got to her cell and saw the text messages.