Yes, I could have orgasms "by other means." Do you know whether that is true of your W?
She's never had one. She never let me try giving her one. And she's never allowed any discussion about it.
I backed off on that topic early in our marriage. I was following the advice that it was not wise for a man to pressure a woman to have an orgasm. I figured that her pleasure was her choice, and I should just be happy I was at least having my own mind-blowing orgasms.
Then when my marriage went SSM I tried bringing up this topic, thinking it was a part of the problem (her enjoyment). She totally refused to talk about it, and it just added to the distance between us.
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I think that if my H had said he wanted a divorce (even without then moving on to a new relationship), it would have had the same effect.
Well, that's interesting to hear because I have done that much. And my wife said she didn't want a divorce. Which sounds like what you might have said. And we're still in an SSM.
Furthermore, people on this forum are suggesting that the reason I failed to make an impression is because it wasn't enough to just say I want a divorce.
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It's hard to answer your "would you--?" questions because they are only theoretical.
And, clearly, what worked for you might not work for my wife, etc. No easy answers.
