The really good thing about my rescue shifts (one or two nights a week) is I can't drink. Yes, I am here to confess that each evening is accompanied by a drink or two...sometimes three.
So tonight I will work on paperwork for the Opera House (a small restored theatre in town; I'm on the board); read some more of the recommended books; and mostly hope that no-one in town gets sick!
Thanks for the hugs and encouragement. I feel a bit better.
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
X responded to my short note about paying bills next Thursday with an OK tone email "OK".
Then he gave me a heads up that he would be at the community meeting tomorrow, that I was planning on going to. I figured he would be there, but didn't see his name on the email list, so thought maybe...
But he will be there, and I am--pretty sure--perfectly prepared to be in the same large room with lots of mutual acquaintances/friends, most of whom should know the sitch by now.
Now...is there any reason the OW would come to this meeting? it is about revitalizing downtown. I guess if X has got her well-involved in his life, he would want her to be part of that.
Am I ready to see them together? at a semi-social event, where it is all about the COMMUNITY--that he and I so often said "we are so lucky to be such a part of this town!"
I could write back: Solo? Cause I'm planning on going too.
But I'm pretty sure I shouldn't. I can get a girlfriend to walk in with me.
To add to it, tomorrow night is a rescue shift, so I can't drown my anxiety/terror/sadness in a drink afterwards, should the OW be there.
Advice? Tell me to buck up? Gotta see them together sometime!
Aahhhhh!
avermont
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
Follow the "smile and wave" rules. Get their early. Sit with friends. You are a confident woman who cares about her community. Treat it business like. Stick with your girlfriend. Dress nice and be the beautiful woman that you are. Bring water. Do not look at him during the meeting. Ignore the skunk and the skank. If anyone asks you about him or her. State. "Thank you for your concern. But our town needs our support now so lets concentrate on that."
And do not drown your anxiety. Its an easy trap... I know.... Mine is red wine or stout beers.
And if you do see them. Be strong. Be still. Be calm.
Ok girl you gotta come clean. You keep giving tidbits about your life and all I see is a caring and giving person.
I will try to buck up. I have a girlfriend to go with me.
I will mentally prepare the the "smile and wave" theory. I might as well face them now as well as later.
Come clean with what? I live in a small town; x-partner and I were part of this town. I am on the rescue squad and the board of the Opera House; he is a big shot (in a small town way) on the planning commission. So we were involved in different social strata of town; well known and respected.
And now he has the option of introducing OW all around as his new partner; and there I am...doing my best to look OK with it all and dealing.
Jeezum crow as we say here in the north.
Wow, the hardest part will be the community part. Really, we were both so proud that we contributed to so many of the good things in this nice little town. And to have "everyone" see us apart; and maybe her there...
Sorry but drinking is a major part of coping. I will deal with it as a problem "later."
Any advice on maintaining one's cool in the presence of X and OW is much appreciated.
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
What ever you get for advice. Please pass it on to me. As I have a marriage of two close friends coming up and she is the maid of honour. So Jack and Jill will be the first contact in a long time.
I am going to follow the smile and wave theory. Always move with a purpose. Look happy. Look confident. Dress well and engage people in conversation. Have something with you to distract you when you feel distraught. Such as a drink of water. Or a pen and paper to write on.
Good luck.
And sorry on the come clean remark. I only said it because the theme in your stich has been about love and committment and your lack of understanding with them. And my friend you seem to have a life of love and committment. Everywhere.
I have felt very confident in myself, my partner, and the life we have built in this small town together. I was proud and happy about how we have jointly contributed to this community. Thus...the wind knocked out of me to find he did not feel the same. Trying to get my legs back under me. Hard to know what I feel about myself just now.
Just to spew a bit more: the friends who ENABLED the affair--the OW is friends with them; was freeloading with them; they tolerated and encouraged my X to spend time and nights AT THEIR PLACE with her--just emailed me the invite to their annual Solstice party! And it wasn't a group email--it was specifically to me!! I am just barely in control enough not to respond: Are you f&***ing kidding me??! You two enabled this affair, my life is in a shambles, and I should go to your **&& party?
Wow wow wow.
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
And also, cutterbug, please let's share advice on how to handle the sitch of seeing him/her in new social settings.
A wedding will be tough. At least mine is just a civic event. I am planning on attending; you are the one who gave the smile and wave advice, so I am counting on it!!
Updates to follow--all support welcomed!
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
