Question for any and all......do you ever feel like there's a time that you don't have it anymore? I mean...I don't really post here often except to keep up with those I "grew up with" who are still here...
I try to offer advice, but I think part of DBing that IS good, is that others who are in the same boat at the same time, help each other.
I guess sometimes I "feel" like people might look to my status (divorced, yada yada) and consider me a failure so why listen to me. But I'll tell ya one thing.....I've never felt better about me, so thank you DB. I'd also like to thank my fans, and the academy and........
oops - wrong show....
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
I don't consider anyone who got divorced a failure...maybe b/c that may be me next! LOL..I think most of us that truly "get" what DBing is about understand and truly appreciate the perspective and advice given by those who have gone ahead of us..Your experience is invaluable if we truly listen and learn.
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
ANYONE who considers someone who DBed AND got a divorce as a failure is just a noob, who doesn't know any better, the people who haven't put their time in, who haven't fixed themselves, who thought just getting the book or visiting the site would magically fix all their problems.
The people who feel like you failed KS, are the ones who are going to burn through other relationships and it will always be the others persons fault, in their mind.
The other points. Meh, its all personal perspective.
I will say this, Mach is one of my friends, I just haven't met him yet, and he is handling this better than I ever could. I believe he is a better man than I ever was, and I aspire to be like him.
Last edited by Jack_Three_Beans; 12/09/0904:48 PM.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
you know what's "funny".........my 9 year old (Peanut) has figured out that her dad's an idiot and I didn't have to say anything...
He's on his 2nd relationship since his first marriage.....engaged to be married, with a 5 month old baby. And my girl asked me how many people I've dated. 1...although he was an idiot. 1...in 2.5 yrs. She's like wow mom, dad's dated 2 girls (and lived with them) and you've dated one.
Yeah....the 9 year old gets it.
Maybe it's just my perception regarding failure. I mean this is divorce BUSTING.....so if you can't.......there's a period of time you feel like a failure. Then you find yourself. And you realize that you're better off alone than in the crappy marriage you were in, setting a bad example for your daughter.... So I don't consider myself a failure but assumed others may. That's ok though, cuz it's not about them
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
To answer your question, I am done, although not officially D'd yet, and I DO NOT feel like a failure. I give the same advice/info that I did prior to announcing my decision. Anyone who reads me can see that.
If they choose to not see the success that I have become, the growth, the work that went into my decision and look at me as a failure, that is up to them. I do not allow that to keep me from trying to support others though.
You are not a failure and I am sure you have much valuable information to share.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
do you ever feel like there's a time that you don't have it anymore? I mean...I don't really post here often except to keep up with those I "grew up with" who are still here...
April, It's not that you don't have it anymore, it's that you just don't have it in you at the time. I can tell you that I stay away sometimes just because sometimes you need a break from the sadness. Reality check folks, threads on this sight will not make you feel peachy 99% of the time. This is a website about the hardest fuckinn thing that we go through in our lives. This is a website about the most pain we have ever felt in our lives. This is a website that talks about hurt, fear, and sorrow. You cannot continually be in the midst of that, it is too much to take.
Jack is reflective, hmmm.... Not sure what to think about that one buddy....
Quote:
I am saying the MESSAGE is still GOOD, even if you do not believe you are living up to it.
That is what the newcomers board is all about. I gave some of my best advice to others when I was struggling the most with my own situation. Knowing the right words does not always mean obeying them.....
Mach... define "oldtimer" please?????? Cause I assume your sorry assss is talking about age.......
Quote:
NOT posting may actually mean that we are out trying to fullfill our lives with culture, taking chances , doing something new, and thriving-not just surviving.
Do you think with all that you are dealing with, maybe it's time to actually have a real thread Mach? Seems like it might be time.... While you entered this sight from a different direction it is probably time to use it the way it is intended.
Ian you're so right. After my divorce, I posted for about a month or so....because of the stupid plan and other BS I was dealing with. After that, it was a yearly update. I came back a few months ago and reread some of those and it really made me sad. Mostly though, sad to see what I would accept. I thought so little of myself that crumbs from crumbs were acceptable to me. DB didn't do that, I did that, with "trying to fix".
I can tell you now, I am so much happier now. Peanut and I - so much happier now. Her father, perhaps, is a lost cause until he figures it out. He is not my problem anymore. Unless he does something wrong as a father to our daughter. Then it will be dealt with...promptly and directly.
It's funny though. This summer we had to have a come to Jesus meeting...and he kept trying to bait me into a fight. I wasn't going there. I was going to talk about the issues, and ONLY the issues that needed to be discussed. He wanted to talk about the past, and how he couldn't understand why I couldn't let the past go (I have) and why we can't talk like civilized adults (we were) and why I can't talk to him like a normal person (I was for the most part.) I did say that I wouldn't go into all of the reasons we can't "get along" like normal people but that we were there to discuss Peanut and those issues only. He kept baiting, wanting to know what it was that made me feel we couldn't get along. I can't "be friends" with someone I can't trust.
This is the person who for all intents and purposes was dating the happy cow during our marriage and lying about it. Who was dating the happy cow during our separation & divorce (and lying about it). The person who was dating the happy cow less than a year ago, but has a 5 month old baby, is engaged to be married, telling Peanut he regretted divorcing me.
He has issues beyond my control. I am good. I could stand to win a lottery but other than that, I'm great.
if not a little long winded
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
