Here I am again. Hi Tia, glad to see you still here along with all your wisdom!

Here's the deal... the 10 year anniversary of my broken marriage is coming up and I find myself really struggling in a way my current husband and most of my friends just can't understand. So I'm turning to you lovely folks for a listening ear to get me through this.

Here's a fast bg... Married Dec. 18 1999, we had a really rocky start and it pretty much went downhill from there. We both played a part in it, but I was having a really hard time struggling with all of the changes I was going through in my life, and he couldn't see much past his own issues. I was willing to try to make it work, he dumped and ran. Classic case of abandonment. The separation started around Sept 2001 and lasted a year. The day I handed him back the signed divorce papers was the last day I saw or heard from him.

Since then I have tried to move on. I have remarried a good man and had 2 beautiful kids... but the love I had for my ex just somehow doesn't compare to what I feel for my husband now and I find myself dwelling more and more on the broken marriage. I have kept track of ex over the years and he hasn't done very well for himself. Multiple job failures, a house he can't sell, etc. etc. I find myself feeling sorry for him even though in my mind I know he brought it all on himself.

All of our counsilors found him to be very narcissistic, and I know for a fact from friends and family that he blames the downfall of the marriage on me. I know that he has gone through literally thousands of matches on eharmony, match, and all those other sites and not gotten more than a date or two out of them. I know he still thinks his way is the only way.

This and more is why I find myself very confused by my feelings. I am SO grateful that he let me go and not just dragged me through the hll his life has been the last 8 years. He never really treated me well. He told me repeatedly that there had to be someone out there better for him. (you all know the type). He started dating again shortly after the separation and kept at it through the year before the divorce was final often disappearing from contact for months at a time.

But in a lot of ways I miss him. We never really had a good chance to grow together. I still feel like in a lot of ways he was and is still my true soulmate...I feel so sorry for him that he couldn't see how much he was loved and what I offered.

I have been so confused by all of this. I want to write him a letter asking if it has been worth it to him. Asking him if this is truly the life he had hoped for. Asking him why he is so stupid, and making sure he knows just how easy I let him off. And while I know these therrapy letters are great as fire starters... I so want to press the send button at the end of it.

I'm hoping you all can rescue me from myself over the next two or three weeks. Help!