I am about 2/3 rds of the way in the tank. God bless me I have had more then my fair share of the demon liquor and am feeling no pain. I have spoke to the X twice tonight when I was more coherent. The subject was the children and Christmas which has been a particular hot spot with me this year. My divorce was final on Christmas eve in 2004 which makes Xmas eve particularly difficult for me. Very mixed emotions and a lack of funds makes xmas a very difficult time of year. Couple that together with an anniversary date of xmas eve for a divorce and you have a formula for a very sad man.
Lord knows I should move on and have tried to many times but have been unable to firmly grasp the "ride out of town". As we all know this time of year is particularity difficult being xmas and all.
In the past few months the ILY's have been flowing frequently but now they have stopped. Please either shock me into reality or shoot me in the head to relieve my anxiety and pain.
Sometimes I think I am the worlds largest doormat and other times I think I am the shiniest white knight in the world.
So as you see I am not as together as I wish I was. The urge for a sense of connection has been growing exponentially with the passing of time. We are all only human and have needs like every other being on the planet. The urge to have a warm body to hold onto grows ever stronger with every passing day. Being strong with the apathetic attitude of the X makes it increasingly more difficult to continue the charade as time passes.
I have been gently challenged and taunted by family members and friends to give up the quest for a reuniting with the X and move on to perhaps brighter and greener pastures.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring ??
You vote with your feet. Divorce final 12/24/2004 I Give Up !
