Question

[awest1217]

It is a lot harder when we are in person to not be pushy because he will say something that makes me think he won't be home even by the first of the year...then the next breath he talks like he will be. So sometimes I catch him and say sarcastic things, which is not good, but I am getting better at that. I think with him, he is so used to saying things about him by himself that he doesn't talk in terms of us so things slip. However, I am doing well about not always being the first one to text or call. I am really trying to let him take the reins, but when I really feel the urge I will text him. I try to wait just a little bit to make sure it doesn't go away. Sometimes the urge goes away so I don't, but if it doesn't I will text H. I rely on my faith a lot so I believe those urges are God letting me know when H is open and so if the urge doesn't go away I want to do what I feel led to do so that I don't miss an opportunity. May sound weird to some people, but that is definitely how I work.

I had a strange dream last night that kept me up. I dreamt I was shoveling where H is staying because it is supposed to snow a lot and I took tomorrow off to take S to the dentist (first time :)) and so I thought I would be nice and shovel. While I was there, H's neighbor comes over and asks who I am. I say I am H's wife and he says no your not. Come to find out...he thinks OW is H's wife and tells me how she has been living there and how she is probably still at the house because she doesn't leave on Wednesdays until 10 am and it was only 9:30. I of course get mad in my dream. While I am talking to the neighbor, the dream pans to inside the house where I see OW texting H about how I am outside shoveling and she needs to leave for work, but can't because I would see her. I finally get a piece of paper and write a note to H that says "you need to watch what you tell your neighbors, especially the nosy, friendly ones. BUSTED" Then I write a note to OW that says "you keep saying I ruined your life, and although I was PART of the cause for you losing your job, you now have a better job making more money and doing what you went to college for. You are living with my husband who is probably paying all of your expenses, while you still have a husband at home who is paying the rest of your expenses. If you get mad at one, you can always go to the other. Meanwhile, you have stolen my husband, destroyed my family, and made it so S and I are living pay check to pay check. Who's life was really ruined in this? Get off your fat, lazy butt and since you are living with H get up a little early, help around the house and SHOVEL!"

Of course, I woke up to this very angry. I know I am still worried about OW staying with H, and tomorrow I could go over there and check because I am off of work, but I am not going to. I need to not snoop, although I know it would settle everything once and for all.

Tomorrow is a day off with taking S to the dentist for the first time. Then I was going to go Christmas and grocery shopping, but now it is supposed to be super cold, snowy, icy, etc. Winter in northern IN so I might just make cookies...however the cupboards are bare so grocery shopping is a must soon.