I hate to be the one to tell you this but people who had affairs or are in active affairs always have the complaint of trying to be controlled. It's their way of projecting things back to you. Don't listen to it. If the WAS has true regret and remorse about the A and wants to work on the M then any form of "control" should be a non issue.
Her trip sounds fishy to me but I think you know that already. She is going away with a man she met online that is younger than her AND his parents are involved in this trip? Does that sound like something a married woman should be doing? I think not.
The "we are just friends" or he/she is my "best friend" is a line that is recycled by cheating WAS's as often as milk cartons are recycled at your local dump.
I can laugh at this now (my H and I are legally separated, have no contact as I simply ignore him and we haven't live together for almost 2 years). A few weeks before he moved out he told me him and his friend were going to one of those virtual golf simulator places to play and have dinner. I said fine. He got home at almost 4am on a weekday, all red and sweaty and babbling like an idiot about he and his friend Eric got caught up playing the golf game. Something was just off. The next day I checked the website of the place he said he had been and the website indicated the place closed at 10pm during the week. I then called and spoke to the manager to verify this and it was correct.
That night my H could not have been more sweet and attentive to me and I brushed it off and was very distant to him but upbeat for me. I knew he was lying and I think he knew I knew he was lying. I never accused him of anything and never mentioned it again as he moved out a few days later. But I know for a fact that was the night his A started. Or I should say that was the night the physical side of his A started.
From time to time I would mention March 28th to him (that was the night of the "golf incident" and he would stop dead in his tracks). Once the legal side of things heated up he and I were talking via the phone one night and he asked what I was doing and I casually said.. "oh, just writing out some dates for my attny starting from March 28, 2008". He stammered like a fool and made some excuse to get off the phone.
