my W doesn't regret her affair

[Gnosis]

Seems az I gots sum 'splainin' ta do...

Future, here's my original quote:

Meet her at the table to show you're not scared of her. Don't back down, play hardball. Take as much as you can. Don't be fair. It's time to be vicious.

So.. by vicious I meant:

- show NO fear,
- don't back down on your demands,
- show strength and conviction (not wussy I'm not really sure...)
- demand what you want, not what she thinks is fair. And don't back down (not at this point) e.g 75/25 custody, child support etc.

I did NOT mean:

- You behave like a jerk
- You be mean and nasty
- You be vindictive

The purpose is to show strength and create respect. I added in the original post that if you do this, she will definitely walk away from the table. And... guess what... that's OK. Because it buys you more time.

You get what you're aiming for: A CRISIS that will shake her up and get her focused on thinking about you. Heck man, sometimes you want to get her angry. Angry is better than apathy or scorn. So what if she thinks you're being unreasonable. You're paying for it right? You want her to be thinking about you... At this moment she isn't, her attention is focused on OM, their fantasy and herself. So, any thought about you is a bonus. What are you scared of? Losing her? She's already gone and she's on her own timetable. In other words this is called, "Rocking the boat."

OK, now I'm going to dissect your last post:

I am willing to stick to my guns and pursue the separation, but I'm not sure if I buy into Gnosis's philosophy of being vicious.

Got it and hope I covered it above.

The last year has shown me that being reasonable and emotionally available doesn't work

Yup. So 180...

A very close friend of mine is a WAW so I take her advice very seriously.

And you should. You have the best source of intel on the planet. Follow it.

she says I should push for the separation, then give my W the next year to make a move back toward me.

Very wise woman.

she's been relentlessly telling me to cut off emotionally from my W.

I was only able to stop the needy, clingy behavior myself once I managed to disconnect my own emotions from the sitch. It's not easy and they do tend to flare up every now and again.

She says that is the only way to force my W to make a decision.

Or to make it seem like you're hell-bent on getting what YOU want out of this... while making her think that she is going to lose you forever... to another woman.

When I tell her I worry my W is too proud and insecure to ever come back with her hat in her hand, she says then my W isn't worth having back.

I agree with your friend.

She thinks my W has been acting very erratic and manipulative, and believes deep down my W still loves me, or is at least dependent on me in some way.

Your wife IS manipulative. No, I don't think she is erratic. She's had a whole year to mess you around and get what she wants. i.e. Future dangling on a string while she fishes around for better options behind his back... and maybe... just maybe... if there's nothing better at the time... take him back until something pops up.

Up until now, I've been paying my W voluntary child support, mainly because I understand if I didn't, my W could apply for emergency support from me, and get it, and probably a lot more than I give her, so I haven't pushed against that.

So take the CS off the mediation table. If it comes up, you say, "What we have in place at the moment is perfectly reasonable and I'm happy with that. This is not open to negotiation. Next issue..."

If I want to send a strong message that my "nice guy" days are over, I could tell her I won't pay her another cent until we have an agreement that compels me to.

And that's another option you can use to enforce the previous response.

I will lay out my proposals for the separation, which are highly favorable to me, and stick to them, hard.

And that's being 'vicious' in my book.

Unfortunately, our kids' futures are also significantly diminished, emotionally and financially.

I'm sorry about that. One thing you need to realize though is that if things go according to her timetable and plan... the outcome will not change.

========= Feedback Ends =============

With that out of the way I'd like to ask you another question:

If you had a choice would you prefer your WAW be indifferent with you or angry?

From my side, I'd much rather have an angry W... because anger is an emotion and it means there is some feeling left inside the alien. Indifference or apathy is surefire death. Honest confession here... I sometimes push Mrs Gno's buttons on purpose just to check if she's still alive... if you know what I mean. I do that because I know if she can generate that much passion with anger, then the opposite still hold true.

I'm open to 2x4's on my maniacal, manipulative ways...