Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[Greek]

I have worked so hard to provide for my F, my boys, and W, to come back to...nothing. Now I know my boys are going to be there-I hope, and I am so thankful that I have them. It just seems so unfair that she gets to reap what I've sown, and I get left holding...nothing, for now.

Don't rewrite your history, SD. For all those years, she has been working WITH you to build what y'all have. One of you is more appreciative of that now than the other, that is true, but you didn't build that life all by yourself. Just saying....

I also know that once my W realizes what she will be getting as far as CS-if any, and my retirement, she is gonna get hit with a healthy dose of reality.

Don't worry. REALITY bites all of us in the bum and your wife will not be the exception. Being a single mom is not glamorous like she thinks it will be. She'll see.

I know I asked this before, but I will ask again to make sure: If/when I find out about OP, do I let her know BEFORE I get on the plane, do I send it in an e-mail/phone call? I don't think she has any intention of seeing me at all when I get back. Also how long do I wait to expose to friends and family? I am thinking that OP is NOT married, as they have so much time together, I can't see it. How can I expose OP if they aren't M? My W has all the time in the world, she just leaves the boys at home. I am continuing the work.

Let's say you find out there is OM before you head back. If you see W or have the opp to talk with her, you could lay it down in the form of a boundary: "I know about your A. Out of respect for our sons, I ask that you not carry on openly when our sons are present." I don't think you should expose to the family and friends. Why would you do that? Retaliation? That's not who you are, is it? I will say this - if OM is married, oh yeah! Let his W know for sure. She has a right to know and that'll bust 'em up for sure. Most OM canNOT afford what it will cost them to be divorced with a proven A. If the OM is active duty, you go to his CO. If OM's W is active duty, you go to her CO. Absent those scenarios, I say you stay away from OM. Too much fertilizer for a big story if you contact him - know what I mean? You about above talking to a guy like that - it's beneath you.

Greek