Thanks for the whacks. I guess I just need to hear them. I wasn't even going to post out of sheer embarassment, and in the past I would have just acted, then came here and reported what happened, so at least I've progressed that far.
I am willing to stick to my guns and pursue the separation, but I'm not sure if I buy into Gnosis's philosophy of being vicious. I can strongly state my case and stick to my guns, but I don't see how being vicious does anything other than create animosity and destroy our R further. Does being vicious generate respect?
The last year has shown me that being reasonable and emotionally available doesn't work, as you say Puppy. Even I get it eventually! This would be so much easier if it weren't for our three little kids. My heart bleeds for them.
A very close friend of mine is a WAW (maybe too close), so I take her advice very seriously. She is my weapon against my W's manipulation. Last night she said my sending that e-mail was a bit cowardly, instead of confronting my W face to face. That hurts. But, she says she understands why, given the way my W has been acting, and she says I should push for the separation, then give my W the next year to make a move back toward me. She has been a great friend to have through all this. She is a classic WAW, and her H has been clearly demonstrating exactly what NOT to do, i.e. beg, plead, lash out, be generally needy and unstable. I see with my own eyes how it makes her long to be away from him. The more needy he is, the more repulsed she is.
My friend is impressed at how I've handled myself through this, except that she's been relentlessly telling me to cut off emotionally from my W. She says that is the only way to force my W to make a decision. When I tell her I worry my W is too proud and insecure to ever come back with her hat in her hand, she says then my W isn't worth having back. She thinks my W has been acting very erratic and manipulative, and believes deep down my W still loves me, or is at least dependent on me in some way. She says if her H sent her an e-mail like I sent, she would just roll her eyes and say "whatever" and ignore it.
Ok, consider me sufficiently whacked. Now I need to decide how to handle the mediation session. Gnosis thinks I should be vicious. I'm not sure about that. Up until now, I've been paying my W voluntary child support, mainly because I understand if I didn't, my W could apply for emergency support from me, and get it, and probably a lot more than I give her, so I haven't pushed against that. If I want to send a strong message that my "nice guy" days are over, I could tell her I won't pay her another cent until we have an agreement that compels me to. That's my main leverage point right now. Otherwise, I will lay out my proposals for the separation, which are highly favorable to me, and stick to them, hard. Let her realize how unfavorable this is going to be to her, and how her future plans are looking pretty grim as a result of her actions. Unfortunately, our kids' futures are also significantly diminished, emotionally and financially. :-(
