I may be next

[TrentC]

TrentC I will ask her what she meant by that. Is that R talk? or just clarification.

It's clarification. I read that thing four times before I decided that I had no idea what her point was.

She says that she won't leave the bedroom because she doesn't want to stress the kids with the move and stuff.

The move to where? The couch? The spare bedroom? If she chooses to stay in the bedroom, she accepts responsiblity for what happens there. (That is not license to push things or to make her uncomfortable.)

I think it's more of her seeing what she will be losing / destroying and having second thoughts but who knows.

You can't know that for sure.

I won't leave because I am not making the choice to leave and have expressed that several times.

Good for you.

[gettinsomenads]

Okay I will ask her.

Maybe to clarify would R talk be more like "can't we work it out" ETC.

Where as this is where are you at?

Slightly confused here

[gettinsomenads]

Oh sorry TrentC we just moved to a new town. So it's a new place / school for the kids.

Was our "NEW START"

[TrentC]

Maybe to clarify would R talk be more like "can't we work it out" ETC.

Where as this is where are you at?

Let me put it this way. Asking her to clarify the "what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom" comment is not necessarily R talk, but it can easily lead to R talk.

It sounds like she's trying to articulate some kind of boundary, and you will show her (and yourself) respect by clarifying exactly what the boundary is. Once it's clear what she meant by it, end the discussion.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Maybe to clarify would R talk be more like "can't we work it out" ETC.

Where as this is where are you at?

Let me put it this way. Asking her to clarify the "what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom" comment is not necessarily R talk, but it can easily lead to R talk.

It sounds like she's trying to articulate some kind of boundary, and you will show her (and yourself) respect by clarifying exactly what the boundary is. Once it's clear what she meant by it, end the discussion.

This. ^

Puppy

[gettinsomenads]

Okay I totally understand

[gettinsomenads]

Okay so I come home last night.

She has been moving boxes all day and has set up one of the rooms downstairs (guest bedroom).

Perfect time to ask.

Me: "are you moving downstairs"?

Her: "I might for a while I'm not really sure".

Me: "Okay I'm going to put up the kids hooks for the coat room.

She fell asleep on the couch while I was doing that I came upstairs to make the morning coffee and she went to sleep in our bed and so did I.

We both slept like the Berlin Wall was between us.

God I just want some PEACE in my life.

I don't know anymore or less than before.

She is very conflicted. She starts her new job tonight.

I talk to my DB coach this afternoon.

[gettinsomenads]

Okay so here is what I notice.

She wants to hang out and when we do I reminds her of what she likes about me.

Now she is starting her new job and is going to be working nights for a while then into days and on Saturday.

Anyway there will be very little time together. Being in a new town our family is quite far away and realistically I (we) shouldn't plan "dates" together.

I think this confusion of hers may be in my advantage. Anyone have any suggestions on how to keep it moving forward?

Thanks

[gettinsomenads]

bump

[gettinsomenads]

Hey Everyone,

Haven't posted in a while and really alot but not much is happening.

I have been phone counselling with Jody. She is a wicked counsellor and has given me excellent suggestions on how to proceed.

I have followed them and I see them working.

Wife is basically crazy right now. Doesn't know what exactly she wants as far as anything goes:

Work
Life
Marriage
Kids
Anything

So Nads is basically stuck in limboland. Still sleeping in the same bed and giving her the space she needs to figure it out.

Keeping it light and as playfull as possible.

Going to a new 12 step meeting tonight in my new town CAN"T WAIT to get out of the house.