Im in the uk too, just thought I'd say hi! Honestly what Rob says sounds really wacky but go for it, if you lay down everything for your wife she will just keep treading on you for more. Being nice wont get you anywhere other than where you are already.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
1. Move back home 2. Tell her that if she wants a divorce, she will need to pay for it and she should work on that 3. Start dating other women - yes do it 4. Work on yourself for yourself, you don't care if she notices or not, these changes are for you because you became the kind of man that a woman will cheat on, disrespect and leave in limbo
I'm not interested in hearing that you honor your marriage, you're church going, god fearing man (all of which are good things to be sure).
If you want things to change you need to change them, you can't expect them to change for you.
You are weak, you're afraid to make a move because you're afraid of your wife's reaction and you do everything you do right now just to hope somehow you will please her.
That doesn't ever work at this stage of the game.
Cut the lease on the place you're renting and move back home. Tell her that if she wants out of this marriage you are fine with that but you don't have to leave the home you pay the mortgage on and since she can't even pay her half of the mortgage I'm assuming you're going to pay for that out of your pocket, the banks usually don't care where the money comes from.
Go home.
You have every right and then some to live in your home.
You won't win any points living away from the home, if she wants her space, she can have it but she has to provide it for herself.
Stop thinking you have less rights than her.
You are a human being just like her, you have just as many rights as she does - I'm so surprised when this all happens every man thinks he's screwed, that you have to pay for everything and come out with nothing - what planet do you live on that this logic makes sense to you?
Fight for your rights if you want them or continue being a doormat which you are right now.
Move back home, it's your home too, if she doesn't like it, prepare to tell her "TOO BAD FOR YOU!"
Stand up to your wife.
She can't respect you as a man because she is stronger than you (and I'm not talking physically either). How could she expect you to stand up for her if you won't stand up to her? She needs a stronger partner and you haven't been that in a long time. So she's seeking one out.
Go back home and tell her it's your decision, you are taking back your life and she can have whatever life she wants just not at your expense.
Get a gym membership, start getting in shape again, get that testosterone flowing again, feel masculine again.
Get a new haircut, something up to date.
Start buying different clothes, shoes, start wearing a new different current cologne.
Start tanning.
Start going out.
Start dating.
You want to turn this thing around.
Make it look like you're leaving her.
Become the walk away spouse, take back your power.
When she sees you dating other women and being happy with your life she will notice a change in you, in fact, it will bother her, up to this point this has all been her decision and she made you go along with it. When you veer off the path that she set up for you, she will notice the change - there is no way that she can't notice it.
And if she does want you back (and it's possible that she may not, there are no guarantees), make her work for it. Tell her that you can't trust her anymore. Tell her that you want to know everything she's done, all about her infidelity and then on top of that, if she tries to tag you with sex (and alot of them do when the LBH starts to move on), tell her NO, she's not worth it and you need to protect yourself because you don't know who she's been with.
Seriously there is a walk away wife script. They all say & do alot of the same things, hence we call it script, there is some improvisation to be sure but the script is still the playbook they're working with.
So if you follow the playbook outlined here for you along with alot of other good information that alot of the other great posters on this site will provide, you have a chance at getting your marriage back.
But you can't make any of this possibly work if you're afraid to commit thought to action.
If you say "I can't do this, and I can't do that and I will honor my marriage and can't do this", you're already limiting yourself and keeping yourself in the same place you're currently in and you won't get anywhere different by continuing to do the same things you've been doing.
This is all your choice, do it, don't do it, it's up to you but please don't turn into a member on this forum that will whine about their situation without doing anything different to change their situation because that is just wallowing in self-pity and that's just weak.
No more Mr.Nice guy for you. No more being a wuss. No more being a door mat.
Start to stand up for yourself. Change yourself for you.
Just do it.
Worth repeating.
Where you been Rob? McQueen is on vacation too and this place has been nuttin up with men afraid to set boundaries and stand up for themselves. Check out Overburdened's thread it will make you smile.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Worth repeating. Where you been Rob? McQueen is on vacation too and this place has been nuttin up with men afraid to set boundaries and stand up for themselves. Check out Overburdened's thread it will make you smile.
Hey Coach, just been busy, it's the silly season, people visiting, and visiting people, work, kids, shopping, what is it, like 16 days left until Santa comes to town - I seriously need more time!!!!
Plus every now & then I have to visit my therapist who happens to be a drop dead gorgeous (9.5 out of 10 at least) brunette and when I'm lying there on the couch with my head on her lap talking about my feelings, and how weak I feel and how I wish my balls would inflate to normal size again, she gently strokes her fingers through my hair and then LOUDLY YELLS "MAN UP!!!"
And then I wake up from my dream ;-)
Busy, Busy, Busy and it seems that the new posters aren't spending any time searching through the forums for existing situations that mirror their problems closely (yeah, like that never happens) so I figured I would vent on this young man's thread.
I hope you're reading this and contemplating what YOU need to do.
Your life will be better but the catch is you have to be willing to make it better.
