Yes, I could have orgasms "by other means." Do you know whether that is true of your W?
I think that if my H had said he wanted a divorce (even without then moving on to a new relationship), it would have had the same effect. It was like a lighting bolt to the head, the realization that our relationship had reached a tipping point where if I did not take immediate action, it would certainly end--indeed it was possibly too late already. In that same flash I recognized that I did still love him and that we COULD have a complete marriage. I was ready to shake off all the "victim" trappings of having been abused.
I don't believe my H consciously planned to shake me up--he was too depressed at the time. However, finding someone new signalled that, deep inside, he knew he needed more from a relationship, and had given up on ours.
It's hard to answer your "would you--?" questions because they are only theoretical. I believe that the knowledge that my H was ready to move on, whatever form it took, would have been enough to jolt me out of my apathy. And I want to stress that, although I was in such agony at the thought of him being ready to desert me, stop loving me, turn to someone else, etc, that I couldn't stop pacing for days and quickly lost 30 lbs, somewhere inside I knew that it was good that I was FEELING again, and that I hadn't been so alive for years.
