WAW on suicide watch, what now???

[MHL]

Today is much better than yesterday. I find that listening to upbeat music in the car helps and puts me in the right frame of mind to allow myself to feel happy, PMA, duh. Also read most of Homer Mcdonald's, Stop Your Divorce last night, which is an online book. Same principle's as Michele's but kinda of blunt, which some of us LBH's need, aka 2 X 4 to the head. Homer actually quotes from one of Michele's books "Change your Life and Everyone in It". The Basic premise in Homer's book is to do opposite of what you "feel", I realize how much my feelings do control my actions, words and thoughts. In fact I would say that most people are slaves to their emotions or at least me and my W are.
Since Saturday when I saw her for the first time in 3 weeks, I am seeing small things (very small things) from her. I have been very upbeat and positive with her, and keeping my feelings out of it, very hard but getting easier. She actually called last night to confirm times to meet for kid exchange tonight. She definitely lingered on the phone but I messed up a little. After the call I was thinking about it, and I realized I did too much talking. At first I was doing good, and even threw in a "long pause" but then slipped and started talking about myself, dumb stuff, car repair I needed to have done. Should have asked about her day, work, etc. and shut up, I'll do better tonight at drop off and pick up.

This is a flicker of hope. Don't allow it to control your actions or become obsessed with it.....but it is better than her telling him that the two of you will have separate lives from now own.

I am not going to let it control me but I am going to re-write my small goals b/c I think I reached a couple of them in the last couple of days. I have been holding on to the fact that she has not lowered the boom on my son yet. Children are very perceptive and know more about what is going than we think. When I told my S9 yesterday that he was going to eat dinner with mom tonight he did not respond very enthusiasticly. I asked if everything was okay and if he wanted to go. My S9 responded, " Dad, I want you and Mom to have dinner together so she can see how you are doing so much better". Maybe I can "switch hit" for him sometime in the future.

I am also going to stop talking about the sitch w/ everyone. It is not healthy and now almost everyone thinks I should just move on, as in give up. I will have to come here from now on to sound off. It is amazing to me that so many people think that you should give up on 16 years of marriage after 7 months of turmoil, I know it has been longer for my W but I hope that one day she will appreciate my dedication.