Spouse Suffering From Depression

[Lucky11too]

Thanks for that! =) I was feeling a little down about how that night turned out, but you're right, I should feel good about myself. Thanks.

I did end up having lunch with him yesterday (although it probably would have been better to let him wonder). I was just really curiuos what he would say to tell you the truth. He actually picked me up from work (which is a change). After I got in the car, he says something about how this depression thing is weird b/c he only slept 4 hours and feels fine (other times he'll sleep 12 hours and still can't get out of bed). And that he was glad he was feeling better today etc. Anyways, I respond, yeah, you were horrible last night (not to start an argument, but on the other hand, he can't pretend everything is just all happy happy when he was such a jerk to me the previous night. I wanted to be straight up with him). He then he had all his excuses about how the restaurant was this, the other owner that, how he almost got into a fist fight with the other manager, and also had to break up a big fight at on Sat night, which tensed him all up, so had to take a muscle relaxer, and he was all out of it still from that, blah blah blah, etc... I feel some sympathy b/c I know it's tough and he doesn't respond well to things anymore, but still, that was no excuse to be a jerk to me! This was his chance to show those girls and OW that I still meant something to him and he blew it! I told he should he least told me I looked nice and he said he did. "If" he did, I didn't hear him b/c I kept waiting for him to say something, but whatever. So after we had that conversation in the car, lunch was fine. I just really didn't want to get into anything else, so we just talked about S and other light things.

I think he's thought about it me moving on but is not ready to let me move on (or doesn't believe I would do it). I don't think that idea is real to him yet. He would tell me, "Don't even think about bringing another man around our S". Fine, I agree that it's not the best to be bringing various men around your child b/c it's confusing to them, but that doesn't mean that I can't go out and date on my own. He better get use to that idea. I think it's very true what you said (and my friends have said this too) that he just thinks I'm his, and when it's convenient for him to be with me, great, if not, too bad. If he doesn't decide to start working on himself and us, he's in for a rude awakening!

So, I am still hoping for the best and that H will decide to start helping himself, but if not, I want to get thru the holiday's first. (That will also give him 3 weeks to ponder over the results to figure out what he wants to do with himself). Although I don't think it will help and will very likely start an argument, I will give him an ultimatum. That was one of his biggest complaints when I moved out before that I didn't give him a final ultimatum ("If you don't shape up I'm going to leave"). I don't think it would have made a difference then, but at least he wouldn't be trying to hold that against me now. So I'm all up for giving him one final chance to shape up now, but I'm also ready to follow thru with it he doesn't. I think too at the point when you are going down the road of a D, starting an argument with an ultimatum is probably the least of problems, but on the other hand, it could potentially spark change. So we'll see when we get there. I have lost some hope for his change, but as my mom said, these doctors are used to working with difficult people, so hopefully then can get thru to him! I'm just trying to leave this one in God's hands b/c there's not much more I can do.