I have known my husband for 19 years. We were childhood sweethearts and got married right out of high school at 18. Four months later I was pregnant with our first son. Our three boys are now 4, 2 ½, and 1 ½. He is in the military and we are supposed to be moving to AZ in the next few weeks.
We were a swingers couple for awhile. Then he gave it up but I didn’t. I had an affair 3 years ago and nearly destroyed our marriage then. It was with another soldier and I tried to leave my H for this OM. H refused to give me a divorce and I have been thankful every day since then. I never really wanted a divorce – I just didn’t want to give up the fantasy with the OM. But the affair ended less than a year after it started and H and I have been rebuilding ever since. But he has been deployed twice in that time. We’ve been together a total of six months in the last two years, and that not consecutively.
I am bi-polar, and that is no excuse. I sought help for myself about three months ago and now have a clear mind, which is not as wonderful as it sounds. I am glad to be me again, but it also means I have to look back on what I’ve done to myself and the man I love. But I am finally getting well.
And now it looks like our marriage is down for the count again. He has another woman in another state. He told me about it after he got to my parents’ house where I’ve been staying with the kids. He’s just finished a six month school in another state. He’s known her about three months. He says he wants to divorce me and be with her. So she would have to join him in AZ. But he wants me to come to AZ with the kids as soon as he gets us a house too. The boys need him and he needs them. I’m not a cruel enough person to deny them their father just because I’m mad and hurt.
I don’t want a divorce; I love my H. And Michele is right – don’t snoop. It only makes you feel more miserable. Found her name and some pics of them today. And it only made me heartsick. I don’t hate her – how could I? I was her! And I have a unique perspective on what’s going on with him. But that doesn’t make it easier. I often feel that this is no more than I deserve because of my own stupid decisions. I don’t want to give up on my marriage.
Sometimes I am totally confident that if I just wait him out and work on myself then this affair will burn out and he will come to his senses. But then other times I am so unsure, so quietly despairing of a chance. I want to hope, but I don’t want to because then he can tear me up again if he leaves.
I’ve ordered the books, but they aren’t here yet. I just want to fix this stupid mess I’ve made. I know he’s making mistakes too, but I’ll forgive him anything. I just want my husband back.
undefeated 24 H 24 S's 4, 2 1/2, 1 1/2 M 5 years
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
undefeated 24 H 24 S's 4, 2, 1 M 5 yrs
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
