Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[SoldierDad]

Coach,
How do you still find love for someone that inflicted so much pain onto you? I feel anger and contempt towards her-no love at the moment. I'm not sure what loving a woman is anymore.
The thing is, being gone from the home and family and my spouse is kind of like a dream. When I left, W and I cried, kissed, told each other "I love you" countless times. This is only temporary etc. The things we've said 6 other times. All the other times, and including this time-to an extent, I just changed my mentality, that no matter what I was going "home" after I was done doing what I was doing. This time, I don't have that, and it hurts. I have worked so hard to provide for my F, my boys, and W, to come back to...nothing. Now I know my boys are going to be there-I hope, and I am so thankful that I have them. It just seems so unfair that she gets to reap what I've sown, and I get left holding...nothing, for now. I know the legal system will take care of me, and my boys. I also know that once my W realizes what she will be getting as far as CS-if any, and my retirement, she is gonna get hit with a healthy dose of reality. I know I asked this before, but I will ask again to make sure: If/when I find out about OP, do I let her know BEFORE I get on the plane, do I send it in an e-mail/phone call? I don't think she has any intention of seeing me at all when I get back. Also how long do I wait to expose to friends and family? I am thinking that OP is NOT married, as they have so much time together, I can't see it. How can I expose OP if they aren't M? My W has all the time in the world, she just leaves the boys at home. I am continuing the work.