WAW in affair. Help!

[Norm914]

I am so sorry, Norm. I think many of us can relate to the intense pain, shock and overall craziness that we feel when we learn that our spouse is embroiled in an affair.

The pain is intense. We may disagree on how to handle the affair or have our own reasons for handling things the way we did but the common thread for all of us is the pain.

Take a day or two and let this all sink in. Reacting on emotion will only cause more problems. Put yourself first.

This will continue to consume you until you make the decision to not allow it to consume you. It is overwhelming, I understand. Right now, right this very second can you do something for five minutes that is more productive than thinking about your W and the affair? Don't worry about the whole day or even an hour. Right now think about the next five minutes. How about a brisk walk or run with music you love?

Many of us here understand the pain you feel. I am so sorry you have to experience it. We will be here to help you.

Thank you, CG. I try to distract, but I’m not very good at it yet. Of course, I’ve only known about the A for a week. It’s still pretty fresh.

And you’re right about acting on emotion. A dozen times a day a thought will pop into my head about saying something or doing something and I have stop myself by saying, “Don’t! Don’t react. You’ll only make things worse.”

I didn't mention my H's affair for FIVE MONTHS but I knew and my H knew I knew. So, don't be surprised of both OM and your W know you know but have said nothing.

Wow! How in the world did you deal with that?

This is simply my opinion but if you strike up a conversation with OM and ask about his W and where she works you are essentially telling OM that you know about the A and he will take measures to make sure his W is kept in the dark or make you look like the crazy person.

I think I can pull it off. For example, last conversation OM and I had he talked about going shopping for furniture with his W that evening. I’d start by asking if they found anything they both liked and let the conversation meander around to asking, “By the way, what does your W do?” I’m pretty sure W and OM think I’m clueless. Since finding out about the A I’ve gone out of my way (without overdoing it) to be friendly with OM and acting dumb and gullible.

Although, the thought has occurred to me that upon seeing the cell phone records OM’s W might go into denial. I know I was in denial for a while. If that happens, she’ll either do nothing or confront him. He’ll deny, paint me as the crazy, jealous H, and he and my W will just more careful.