G-man, you have posted couple times in my sitch, and I have read and followed yours a bit, but geez man, your so far ahead of me from DB perspective, I can't think of anything to add!
Quote:
I'm pretty well versed in 'girl-fu' and have a pretty good idea of what works and doesn't with women
Man, I love that, 'girl-fu' LOL.
I suck at girl-fu, can you teach this grasshopper some girl-fu
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Answers to your questions. Sorry for the shortness of my answers.
Were your wife not aware of you being WAH 2 years ago? No.
Did you just used work as an excuse and kept in touch with her as everything was ok between you? Yes. Because I needed to think things through without interference.
Did you return home from "work travel" and everything was as usual? Not exactly. Friends lent me the use of their holiday home while I was in the foreign country. I made a halfhearted attempt to find work but spent most of my time indoors vegetating and waiting for my mind to start working.
What changed for you and for her at that point? She did. I kept the phone calls short. In the beginning all she wanted to know was whether I had found a job and then would complain about anything... and I mean ANYTHING. Only after that did she start with the "I miss you's" and "ILY's". THAT'S what changed.
I brought her over and politely told her to quit whining and enjoy the time together as a second honeymoon. I needed to see if there was still a spark there. There was. A few weeks after she left I returned home. Delay was due to flight availability.
Did you feel that your wife was bringing you down talking about her great family, being down about IVF results? Bringing me down? No. Felt misled? Yes. IVF had no bearing on this.
Why did you come back? Answered before.
Did your wife wanted your emotional support all the time? Not really sure. It was such a long time ago and I was self-absorbed at the time.
Did you feel like running away? Depends on how you look at it. I needed to clear my mind and take myself out of the forest so I could think objectively. Did I want a D? I don't think so. It did cross my mind though. If you're implying abandonment, then NO. It did not enter my mind to abandon her.
Originally Posted By: mindfull
Flipping her attraction switches? LoL Can I borrow a few of those?
Is that something along Gucci's preaching? Not what I had in mind. Jealousy is used to generate fear-of-loss and shake the WAS out of the fog. Its success depends on how far the WAS is gone. In my books that's completely different to creating attraction.
I've been thinking about this lately. As long as there is attraction, there is a relationship. Do you guys agree or disagree? I disagree. Just because you're attracted to someone doesn't mean there is a relationship. E.g. Movie stars and their fans. Attraction is a pre-cursor to connection. The connection is the soil in which the seeds of a relationship grow.
G-man, you have posted couple times in my sitch, and I have read and followed yours a bit, but geez man, your so far ahead of me from DB perspective, I can't think of anything to add!
Quote:
I'm pretty well versed in 'girl-fu' and have a pretty good idea of what works and doesn't with women
Man, I love that, 'girl-fu' LOL. I suck at girl-fu, can you teach this grasshopper some girl-fu
No worries about not posting anything. I haven't given folks much to work with and I usually update "after the fact" so there isn't much to post on. As things start heating up around the Gno household I'll probably start posting for tactical advice.
IWITW, as far as 'girl-fu' goes, I wish I had some that you could use. Your W has really screwed you over and I can't see anything that could help you as this late stage in the game. The only thing I can advise you is to find another lawyer who specializes in men's-rights and will fight for you tooth and nail against the system.
From my side, I've already drawn up my plans. If Mrs Gno's having an affair all hell will break loose because that is my deal-breaker. I already have the meanest SOB lawyer I could find on retainer who has been advising me.
Update on my sitch... there are good days and there are bad days.
Since Sunday I've been going through the bad ones (what orangedog calls the "black dog"). When these patches hit I withdraw and distance myself from almost everything. I try not to reflect and have to work hard on keeping my mind busy on something else. What Gray calls retreating into my cave. Only problem is Mrs Gno tends to come in after me to bash my head in. Not often, but she does.
On the bright side, the bad patches have been less frequent lately.
@Mindfull: Thanks friend. You're an inspiration. At the risk of getting your hopes up, I honestly believe you have a good chance of turning your sitch around. From what I've seen you need a few more Martian translations... ST is a success story and she's been giving you good advice. Listen to it. She's not wrong.
How does one "flip the attraction switches?" What does this mean? Please explain.
E.g. on the external characteristics: If your H is a big breast man... start wearing padded bras and clothes that expose your cleavage.
E.g. on the internal characteristics: If your H gets turned on by humor... find jokes he'll like and share them. Ask him if he's heard any good ones and join in the laughter. Humor is an attraction switch.
You need to rack your brain and see what produced results in your R's history. Then slowly start reintroducing them into your dynamic.
Last edited by Gnosis; 12/08/0905:20 PM. Reason: Added last sentence
