Moving on with my life!

[S.T. _I Made It!]

Well one of the things she said was things were ok with her and exh UNTIL she started mentioning his drinking and how it seems out of control and he immediately started pulling away from her. Within a month she caught him cheating. OW and exh was a good type of relationship for exh...she always had her kids so their time was sporadic at best. He likes to have his alone time to do whatever...maybe hide and drink, be a recluse, feel like crap about himself.

I think this tells us some things. mentioning drinking is not the right solution. BUT, what is the right solution?

I think the reason he pulls away is because he doesn't want to be looked at as the bad guy, or the pathetic guy. He already hates himself and he is trying to keep this bad part of him hidden.

This lack of selfworth can do a lot to people. Some people just put a wall around themselves and try to help everyone else. Some people close themselves off to everyone. Some people become mean, and some people become addicts.

IMHO, I think your H needs encouragement. Telling him what he does wrong does no good. But using action with your boundaries, not words, will be best when he does make bad choices, and in the meantime encouraging the good behavior, and trying to think of things that will get him thinking. and of course praying for him. he needs a lot of that.