Positives: -Even in the deepest of his affair he NEVER wanted/asked for a divorce: to me that sounds like he was always attached to me in some strong way -Even the year he moved out, when there was NO idea of reconciling in his head, he didnt introduce her to anyone (apart from 2-3 people that were outside our circle of friends/family). The ones on the business trips with them, never KNEW but I am sure they guessed... -From HER emails, I know she tried every trick in the book to get him to move in with her and take the next step, nowhere did I read he agreed, on the contrary, she was getting upset because he wouldnt even sleep with her on weekdays he didnt have the kids with him -Their A quickly lost it's shine when he moved out of our home. I think the kids' reaction and my DBing helped to "ruin their moment". That makes me feel more secure, I like to think of her as someone that "served her mean purpose but he is done with her now" -Our R was at a very low point when she came along. Both of us were tired, disapointed, fed up and completely detached. It wont be difficult to avoid feeling so bad, we were hitting bottom. -Both our families wants us back despite of what happened. Both families recognise that it is my right to refuse to reconcile if I choose to
Since last years' fake reconciliation : -He seems relieved -He doesnt use words such "I am not sure how I feel etc". He repeats he KNOWS what he wants (me!!) he doesnt know how to treat me the way he has hurt me -He is VERY receptive to my efforts to discuss "her/A" with me. For a man that has a hard time talking about normal things, he sure is surprising me. I dont do it more than once every 2 weeks but when I do, he answers. -He repeats he understands my position and my feelings -When I broke down, he was very tender and supported me -When he is with us, he IS with us. He is more tender and affectionate than he was last year -He recognises the need to talk to someone and admitts he is blocked -He has no problem dealing with friends and family that know what happened. As if he silently admitts his mistake and faces them since he wants to be a family again -He has initiated dates 3 times so far and once I denied cause I was too tired -He bought me a nice purse for my nameday -He insists he has NC with her -He talks about future plans when I allow it. Like changing "our" car, traveling etc -He shares with me his work issues (to the point I am bored!) -He has started asking about ME and my work (after I once sent him a message saying "my work is going fine, thanks!!" without him asking - LOL -He seems to be aware when I am drifting to dark places and asks me what's going on, etc Which subsequently, shows me he cares about how I feel ... and probably a few more positives that I am forgetting
Negatives -She is not done with him -The trust is gone -His credibility non existent -His work schedule is crazy -He seems very confident in his life which scares me -He hasnt yet given me passwords, blocked her emails, told her to f@ck off -He is not wearing his rings. I actually understand that, but I wish he would do it just to show me... I am not asking him to -No desire for intimacy. I dont know what will happen after his doc apt. Not sure I want it either -He doesnt seem to need the evolution of what we are doing. Like he hasnt talked about coming back home or anything. I know I play a role in this cause I am negative and cautious and dont leave room for that but he seems to be perfectly happy with it anyway -He hasnt opened up about his feelings over all this at ALL!! A few sentences here, a few there. Nothing more. -Sometimes I think he has settled with me since he ddnt manage to be without me (if you knwo what I mean)
And of course there are more, but I think these are enough...
My goal, is to ask for passwords etc and if see if he accepts. Depending on how that goes, I'll bring up him moving back home with us. Not anytime before the holidays though. I am NOT in a hurry. K
