Divorced and want to reconcile...

[dday101798]

So, he texted me after I left about me being inconsiderate, I asked him to please understand that I worked late today, went to the gym for my usual Mon night class then took my daughter to get a bite to eat before picking up our s. The restaraunt was unusually slow with the food and the check too! So I told him I was sorry, but I also had told him that with his move, it would be harder for me to get to his new place on time since it's farther

With a lot less detail, this is all that needed to be said. You're right, your open book policy on your emotions nipped you here. Next time, simply, "I'm sorry you feel that way (you being "inconciderate"), and you're just adjusting to your current lifestyle. Period. That way, you're getting your point across AND being mysterious at the same time. By telling him everything and explaining off the bat, you're not giving him much to wonder "who is this person?". Instead, as you admit, you openly show him little change.

You will experience many times of hopelessness and in a sense 'failure'. That's the way it goes, and you need to learn to cope with it. Again, are you reading the book or anything else? It seems not to me and you're just trying to "wing" this with a logical approach. And let's face it, we're ALL here because our ways of doing things slipped to the way side and blew our MR apart.

I'm not going to question WHY or offer excuses for your X's comment. Only you can decifer his demeaner and intent wiehter he simply just had a bad day or what. Might I suggest, if you have such a hard time controlling your emotions, the next time he sends such a text, voice mail or whatever, don't respond, at least not right away (another golden rule in the book when things aren't the best).

That said, I completely understand your feelings of his 'new' living arrangement. My XW has been living in her father's house since she left. And there too I have a lot of memories of my S12 who my MIL watched almost daily while he was struggling to live a normal toddler life, holiday dinners, picking my XW up for dates when we first met, asking her father for her hand in marriage, etc. Now that house is nothing but a cess ground for the A. XW and OM living there together, with our kids. And suffice it to say, after I moved out of 'our' house that is in her father's name, he's none to happy with me, feels I burned him in someway shape or form. I sent him a letter 2 months in advance that I was moving out, and took care of all financials on it as promissed.

So, I won't go into that house, period. This weekend, XW informs she is moving back to 'our' house. Which although a bit more neutral, I simply refuse to set one foot in. That house did nothing more than multiply our marital problems ten fold. Then there's all the work I put into it, for her, that I don't think I could bear to see ever again. The place just wreaks of bad karma, which sucks as it WAS our dream home.

So I hear you on that aspect. I guess we all have some figuring out to do on that topic. I personally want to start fresh, get my own place and she can move in when the time is right in our relationship. Which might I say, if you think your emotions are charged now, heh, wait until you two spend a night together out, and have to say good night and part ways, ugg, that sucks, but, it is what it is.

Hang in there Mar, do somethings for you and take a breather. If you need to see your XH and he's still bitter for whatever reason, let it roll off, simply, "I'm sorry you feel that way" and let it be. Maybe it's just the holidays has him in a pickle?