Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[Watcher]

SD: You just got some great advice from Mule....go back and reread his post...You do need to detach from your negative emotions as much as possible.

If you are entertaining the idea that this would never have happened if you had only been home, I can tell you a WAS will do all these negative things right in front of you, and lie to your face the whole time. Your W seems to have jumped into high gear but you are right, knowledge is power. As soon as you knew she filed, the dread and fear was more manageable, wasn't it? That seems to be the way it goes, the fear of the unknown is more difficult to deal with than the real thing. Which brings me to the reason I spoke up on your thread in the first place. The PI!

You need to prepare yourself for the worst news!! I suggest that you sit down and imagine that the PI is giving you the report and indeed there is an OM. Now feel all of the anger and sadness you can imagine, try to wrap your mind around the idea now, it will help you to keep your head when/if it really happens(I don't normally go for visualization mumbo jumbo but this helped me).

If the PI tells you that there is no OM you know that you still have a lot of crap to deal with. But on the other hand how do you handle the moment if there is an OM? I can tell you this, get ready for a gut punch!! This one is going to hurt...No way around it....BUT right in the middle of your painful thoughts I want you to think "Hey this is what Watcher was talking about"...and right then I want you to start detaching from the pain. When I was at that moment with my W I heard my Fathers voice in my head telling me "Hey you knew that this was coming, now wake up." My dad was a career Army man and didn't take any crap, it brought me right back to the moment.

You need to make a decision ahead of time as to if the OM is a deal breaker or not. And be prepared for your W to lie right to your face about him. My W lied to me 5 times before finally admitting to it, and she already wanted nothing to do with me, so why continue to lie? Because they don't want to bust their fantasy life, or be the bad guy, so they need a fall guy and guess what, we are it. And yes you are the reason for the OM....doesn't matter what you say, in her mind you are the source of her pain, and her actions are your fault. The FOG is a great name for all this.

SD, I believe it will hurt once when you get the report from the PI and again when you hear it from your W. It seems that your W might not deny anything but just might use this as a weapon to try and hurt you, don't let her. Play this one out in your head days before you see her, don't wait until you are standing in front of her to deal with this.

After a while this pain dies down a little. A couple of months ago I would have instant pain if I thought about it(makes weight loss easy), but now I have to dwell on it for a while to get as angry. So just know that yes it does hurt but the pain will change. You are not in this alone, we are all backing you. She has what? One girlfriend, possibly one slimy OM, and at some point in the future a world of guilt, blame, hurt and regret.

I like your frame of mind since you received the news of the filing, go strong, detach those negative emotions, and focus on your boys, she will have a hard time arguing by herself.