I cannot legally take my son away from H on "his" nights as far as I know. I'm trying not to let this teeter on D, and I have talked to a cop already about filing a restraining order -= but that is it - that will be the D, and it will be ugly - and what will that do to my S?
I just started MC today and I brought it up - you bet I did. I want to try to educate him on positive discipline methods. This physical stuff has only surfaced after our separation - it never happened when we lived together and weren't having problems - although there was always verbal abuse toward me, and ultimately I was guilty of being verbally abusive to him too when I let him upset me so much. That was horrible when my S overheard it. I feel guilty for not protecting my S more.
But him taking out his frustrations directly on my S is freaking me out to no end. He just considers it discipline. It would be a hard thing to prove in court. It's not so obvious or bad like bruises or something. It's just enough that I worry about my S's feelings.
I'm afraid that if I up the ante toward a D, the abuse will increase, AND I will not be there to see what happens to my S during visitation. This is why I am willing to put up with this s**t to keep him here until my S is older - so that I can monitor and protect my son. right now, I'd say I do almost all the parenting, even when H is around.
In our state, the courts support 50/50 custody, unless there are serious injuries that can be proven. H will lie and say I am the one who is abusive, then we have he said/she said and I may not get any more custody.
Sounds sick, I know. It tears me up inside because for years I have wanted to just take my son somewhere away from his father and raise him myself. But this is his father. I cannot up and leave and never have my S see his father again. So I'm struggling to diffuse the abuse by keeping a close watch and getting H into therapy. I know it's not ideal, may even be more harmful. I"m tormented by this. It's all taken such a horrifying turn.
As for me it's a different issue. I need to distance myself as much as possible because he has hurt me for so long and sees none of it. He's the victim. He works constantly and just tunes me out. I have NC these days except when I need to watch S. Even then, I'm cool and distant.
It's a good point that abusers hide their true colors in MC and go back to the same thing. It has happened before.
