H told me that the first thing that friends and family on his side of the fence ask is "why now? before the holidays?" Same question he had, since things "weren't so terrible" that I couldn't have waited. Well, I guess that's true- he wasn't beating me. I don't know what he's saying in response to that question. And it's not like I can give them part of the honest answer- I felt emotionally beat up. Only thing I can say is that we decided in our last conversation that things weren't working so I left- there never is a "good" time. And I guess his friends must not have been too surprised overall if their concern was the timing, not the fact that I actually left. I'll bet that they knew H wasn't happy, but not any of the background story- so I look like the irrational WAW.
H is still peeved that I talked to S19 about seeing the MC. He feels that was totally a major-league bone-head move on my part. I respectfully disagree, and I think we should have had discussion with D17 also. Whatever...
He also stands by his statements that I distorted reality at the MC sessions by presenting myself so well- according to H, that was not the person he lived with everyday. He does however regret lashing out as he did when he first told me about these feelings. Gee, thanks...
He's still being nice at the moment. He's offered to help set up a couple things around the townhouse. That's nice- but lets see how helpful he is when it's time to talk money in a couple weeks.
It's too quiet around here. D17 has yet to stay the night, but she has come over for dinner a couple times. She's still having a hard time with this. S19 is done with his college semester this week, and he plans to spend a lot of time at the townhouse over winter break. So he's the opposite- I need to remind him to spend time with his Dad.
It's way too quiet, and I'm really tired but I have a hard time making myself go to bed at night, and I haven't figured why yet. Maybe I'm just not feeling settled in yet. There's still daily contact with H for one thing or another, I need to get away from that. And it's not just me- he initiates just as much as I do. And I know I need GAL activities before I sink into a hole.
I'm rambling again. I'm tired, and I better turn the light out- good night all.
