Still in the tunnel with hubby

[kjensen]

Thanks everyone for the support.

I didn't help H move this time and haven't even seen his cousin's condo. Really different from the first separation when I (naively) helped H find a place and move stuff, bought things for his new place...just really naive and probably an indication of how un-detached I was back then...

D14 is doing well. D12 is lashing out at me and D14...says she won't ever forgive her father..is mad at me for wearing my wedding ring..is mad at me for being sad(I'm not nearly as much as he first go-round). D12 won't text her dad back..he just sighs or grumbles about it. I guess he'll work it out or the wont-it just makes me sad to thing of the negative effects on the girls.

H has told his family(I'm not sure exactly what). No word rom any of them except my SIL who sent me a message on FB. She and my H's brother had an affair(his) to work through a few years ago and so far so good for them.

Today was hard. H came over to take D14 to school. He emailed me later about the kids schedules and called in the afternoon. Tonight he called to see how I was and he sounded all chipper-I wasn't(not DBing) b/c I've had a rotten HA for 2 days and am wiped out.

I've made no contact except to respond to H. I'd really rather he wasn't around, but that can't be helped.

I'm expecting a letter from his lawyer any day and will have to find one of my own. I get very tense thinking about what will happen financially from a divorce. I suspect I will have to pay child support to him and give him part of my retirement-which really irks me...I basically have supported us without much help from him for the last 6 years and I will lose because of that.

I guess what bothers me about it is how I won't be able to keep the kids in the same lifestyle(not super extravagant by any means) if I also have to help H.

The girls having two homes to shuttle between makes me really sad. I know I'm jumping the gun with these thoughts, but these are my worries right now. I need to try and stay in the moment.

Just a sad day today.