Changing Man

[Gardener]

And now to my Gypsy Woman,

It's always good to get it out, vent.

I agree, but when I do vent, I go all out and wind up feeling a bit "over the top: me, me, me." (I know, I know).

Let's look at the facts.

Your wife is gone. She's intent on divorcing you. Yep, And that sentence really caught my attention:"My wife is gone." And that word intent: despite everything, and all the potentials for repair and reconciliation, she is intent on divorcing me. Got it.

You both drive an inconvenient 55 miles for individual counseling. Yep

What she does with her personal time is hers. Yep. And she can have it and is welcome to it.

You are free to imagine the most tawdry to blandest scenarios. The greater the hurt, the higher the need to make it the worst thought possible. Yep. I'm still learning. "God isn't done with me yet."

Instead of stalking where you think she might be, spend that time meditating. Spend it doing what makes you a good person. I do. Much meditating. Deep meditating. Always ending with sincere positive thoughts going out to her and asking God to give her the peace she deserves.

Get out of your head. Go to a men's group. Help out your son. Do something for others. Do constructive destruction. Toss crap. Hack down a few bushes. Stop giving her prime real estate in your head. Looking for a men's group. Unsuccessfully so far. Have checked with every church, every denomination in my area. Won't give up. Am tossing crap. I had a former client who applied for and gave me permit for the only local town dump in the area that accepts everything. No longer have that client. To her credit, I gave STBXW a copy of last year's permit, a snapshot of this year's permit and great computer art designer she is, she forged me a perfect replica. Am Purging big time. But, winter gig is 6 days a week, 14 hrs a day, so limited time right now for that, GALing, etc.
Take a deep breath and exhale. Keep doing it until you feel your shoulders relax. And continue. Yep. Am good at deep, diaphragmatic breathing. Getting better, too."Things to do today: inhale, exhale, inhale, ahhhh.": Buddha
Quit Update: Fell off wagon on two occasions last month/this month: 4 cigarettes. Then soaked them in water (to eliminate temptation) and tossed them. ditto Last Thursday, 1 year anniversary of her moving out. Had two and said "What the hell am I doing after 64 successful (and easy) non-smoking days?!

It's your choice if you stay on the edge of the abyss or find a new path.

Do what's right for you. You know, Gyps, I have always put others' (loved ones') needs ahead of my own wants (admirable). Lately I've realized (through the book No More Mr. Nice Guy), that I've always put others' (loved ones') needs ahead of my own needs (dysfunctional). Am working hard at recognizing and stopping that.
Thanks , kiddo.

Again, to all: I apologize for concentrating so much on my own thread nd not visiting yours much lately. But I am experiencing some real revalations lately and want to get them down and express them/solidify them. And i do owe all your kind posts to me responses.I really have limited time these (winter gig ) days. I'll be back with you all as soon as I can. Really.
Love to you all,