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Hey Puppy!! I hope all is well with you. I read a few pages back that his W was expecting him to get out of the house when he gets home. That's not really his problem though is it?? If it's a problem for her, she can get out. But he has to be very careful he doesn't succumb to what "she" wants. Boy, do I ever remember those days!! He can handle it!! It's amazing how similar so many of these stories really are. But there is life on the other side, isn't there?

Strength and Honor.

Last edited by mulesqb; 12/07/09 11:13 PM.

M 43
W 44
M 17
T 22
S16,12,9
Bomb 2/05/08
I served her 1/06/09
S'd 3/15/09
D'd 12/21/09



"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
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mules, puppy, coach, I am humbled by the amount of time and energy you and the rest of the posters give to me. I have alot of work to do. I agree that I have waffled on this whole thing. And I think that is because I do swing back and forth on the emotional vine. I have got to get myself right in the head. Well, it seems that she did in fact hire an attorney-and so it begins. I got this from her in an e-mail while I was asleep. Of course, I am not going to send this person anything.

H here is my attorney she needs a current les by Tuesday cob, her email address and phone number are on there, If you cannot provide it for her she will get a court order and get it that way. Please do not make this any harder on yourself, the soldiers relief act does not apply when you have children.

Thank you for your prompt attention into this matter

Honestly, does my W think I am stupid? I know that no matter what the SSRA covers me if I have kids or not. I am going to spend half my time that I am supposed to be with my boys-looking for D lawyers. Oh well, it is what it is. Thanks again all, I really appreciate all of your help. Here we go.


"embrace the suck" - Coach
"don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy
Let Go and Let God
Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010

SoldierDad

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You knew this was coming, SD. You are ready.

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Sad Girl, I know. Also, just checked county web page-there it was black and white-filed today. Well, there is my harsh reality. Time to get busy. Thanks.


"embrace the suck" - Coach
"don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy
Let Go and Let God
Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010

SoldierDad

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SD -

Sorry isn't enough... but, I'm sorry.

I have to say, though, at least you now KNOW what's going on!!!

Yes, your wife has retained an attorney, and yes, she's filed for divorce, and yes, you're probably going to get served as you exit the plane.

Hey, better than a shocker!!! Now, you can PLAN. Visualize all of it, and feel the emotions. Get rid of as much as you can. That way your reserves can help you deal with it when it comes.

Have you been able to talk to your boys since the overnight incident?

And, aren't you coming back for good in March? You can get as much of the crap out of the way, remotely, as you can until then. Your job is to cover yourself legally (in the interim), and make sure your safeguards are in place for your boys.

HUGS for a solider!


Me-46, D-21, S15, S13

After many years w/my head in the sand...
I FILED
Divorced 6/2011

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
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mindfull, that is what I am doing-planning ahead. I know that I have rights as far as being deployed, and will ensure that I use them to cover my behind. I have not been able to speak to them, I usually call Tue, Thu, Fri, Sun. I am headed back in March, I have alot of work to do between now and then. You know, I just kind of accept it now. I dunno, it's weird. Seeing it in balck and white just-well-made it real. So now, I have 2 choices: feel sorry for myself, or do whatever I have to do to protect myself and my boys. I choose to protect my boys. Now to do the work. I am open to suggestions from this point forward!


"embrace the suck" - Coach
"don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy
Let Go and Let God
Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010

SoldierDad

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(((SD)))

I'm sorry she filed, but now you know for sure what you are dealing with. You're gonna be okay.

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SD: You just got some great advice from Mule....go back and reread his post...You do need to detach from your negative emotions as much as possible.

If you are entertaining the idea that this would never have happened if you had only been home, I can tell you a WAS will do all these negative things right in front of you, and lie to your face the whole time. Your W seems to have jumped into high gear but you are right, knowledge is power. As soon as you knew she filed, the dread and fear was more manageable, wasn't it? That seems to be the way it goes, the fear of the unknown is more difficult to deal with than the real thing. Which brings me to the reason I spoke up on your thread in the first place. The PI!

You need to prepare yourself for the worst news!! I suggest that you sit down and imagine that the PI is giving you the report and indeed there is an OM. Now feel all of the anger and sadness you can imagine, try to wrap your mind around the idea now, it will help you to keep your head when/if it really happens(I don't normally go for visualization mumbo jumbo but this helped me).

If the PI tells you that there is no OM you know that you still have a lot of crap to deal with. But on the other hand how do you handle the moment if there is an OM? I can tell you this, get ready for a gut punch!! This one is going to hurt...No way around it....BUT right in the middle of your painful thoughts I want you to think "Hey this is what Watcher was talking about"...and right then I want you to start detaching from the pain. When I was at that moment with my W I heard my Fathers voice in my head telling me "Hey you knew that this was coming, now wake up." My dad was a career Army man and didn't take any crap, it brought me right back to the moment.

You need to make a decision ahead of time as to if the OM is a deal breaker or not. And be prepared for your W to lie right to your face about him. My W lied to me 5 times before finally admitting to it, and she already wanted nothing to do with me, so why continue to lie? Because they don't want to bust their fantasy life, or be the bad guy, so they need a fall guy and guess what, we are it. And yes you are the reason for the OM....doesn't matter what you say, in her mind you are the source of her pain, and her actions are your fault. The FOG is a great name for all this.

SD, I believe it will hurt once when you get the report from the PI and again when you hear it from your W. It seems that your W might not deny anything but just might use this as a weapon to try and hurt you, don't let her. Play this one out in your head days before you see her, don't wait until you are standing in front of her to deal with this.

After a while this pain dies down a little. A couple of months ago I would have instant pain if I thought about it(makes weight loss easy), but now I have to dwell on it for a while to get as angry. So just know that yes it does hurt but the pain will change. You are not in this alone, we are all backing you. She has what? One girlfriend, possibly one slimy OM, and at some point in the future a world of guilt, blame, hurt and regret.

I like your frame of mind since you received the news of the filing, go strong, detach those negative emotions, and focus on your boys, she will have a hard time arguing by herself.


Watcher
M45 W46
M 24yrs T 24yrs
S16
D14
"ILYBANILWY" 8/09
Same house same bed
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Watcher, it was. Seeing it just made it a reality.
Ok, I went and spoke to JAG, and they gave me some legal advice. I want to run this by the board, as it conflicts with what I have been told to do. The JAG recommends that I do NOT stay in the home. The reason for that is, all she has to do is call the police, say I threatened her, and I will be removed from the home. I asked again, to make sure, and the JAG told me, all she has to do is whisper that I threatened her, and I will be removed from the home. I asked about a recording device to help with that-not going to have any effect-not legal, but I will use my recorder just the same. Also, this would paint a not so pretty picture with the judge as far as custody goes, because that is what I am shooting for-full custody-if I have a restraining order against me for threatening her. Also, it could affect my job/career. Thoughts on that?
Also, I did buy a digital recorder, just so that I could record conversations, even though I probably won't be able to use them. Just another safeguard to help me focus on the task at hand. I am not really concerned about getting served now, as the SCRA protects me for 90 days, then I just re-file it if I need more time. It's just legal paperwork-nothing more-nothing less. I have paid all of the household bills, and given her $$$ for groceries, so I am covered as far as support goes. I think the only thing left to prepare-is me. I gotta get right in the membrane. Gotta protect myself, gotta protect my boys. I have to stand up for me, and what is best for ME. I look forward to hearing from you all in the coming days. Thanks to those that are continuing to help me. Hopefully, those that are reading my sitch, are getting something out of it, and can apply/use the advice given to me, in their sitch.

Last edited by SoldierDad; 12/08/09 08:21 AM.

"embrace the suck" - Coach
"don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy
Let Go and Let God
Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010

SoldierDad

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Watcher,
here is what I am feeling about the OM, if true. I am prepared as best as I can be. I have pictured so many images in my mind about this OM touching my W, doing things to her, etc. I used to get pretty emotional about it. I don't believe that THAT would be a deal breaker, but is that really up to me anymore? I don't think so at this point. The truly difficult part is that my W, literally hates me right now, and I believe that if/when I expose her A, she WILL blame me, and then just continue with the OM as before, without any sense of remorse or guilt. I also feel that she will justify what she is doing, and will NEVER see the reality of it all-I know, I know, that isn't my problem. Once she blames me, I will merely tell her that I find it insulting that she would try to blame me for her actions, when we both know the truth, and that I will NOT accept the blame for her behavior. But I still don't believe it will have any impact on her. As a matter of fact, I think it will push her closer to OM. To be honest, when she filed, it sent a message to me that she really is unhappy. Am I the source of that unhappiness? Well, I'm made to feel that way, but I don't accept all of that blame-I played a part in it, but not ALL of it. I honestly feel that she is too far gone to ever come to her senses. She has WAY too much pride to ever admit to any wrong doing/fault in all of this. She has always been that way. Again, probably not something I need to concern myself with. Well, another day almost in the books, I think I have done ok today. I am preparing myself to the best of my abilities. I await further guidance.


"embrace the suck" - Coach
"don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy
Let Go and Let God
Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010

SoldierDad

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