"Well, I have been doing some thinking. Here is what I have decided. I have seen you move out and then move back in. Not a word from you about what is going on with us and your certainly don't make much of an effort to make this marriage better. Your kids are scared you are going to leave again, you don't tell them when you are going or when you will be home and you don't give me the sense that you really want to be here with me."
(NOW for the important part of the speech)....."I have decided (and say it exactly with those words of "I HAVE DECIDED) that isn't what I WANT. I don't want a man that can't or won't be a partner and I most certainly don't want a man that just up and leaves and comes and goes as he pleases.
So, I have decided that I think it would be best if you found another place. The sooner the better. I won't live like this anymore. Maybe go back to your sisters or whatever. I would like you to be out within two weeks."
And then tell him that is all you have to say and walk away. There is nothing more to talk about. He may call you and think you are bluffing. It is my firm belief that you MUST follow through on what you told him. You need to put him through a crisis of major proportions. He either steps up to the plate or you are moving on down the road....
Remember, I told you that your fear could paralyze you. You can not let this man keep intimidating you. You have to take charge and be strong. The whole relationship can be turned around with a tough stance here. Being a weak doormat isn't working. He will just keep coming and going as he pleases UNTIL YOU make a stand. You can't force him to be what you want him to be. However by letting him believe you are letting him go and maybe even wanting him to go, you will have a chance to put him through his much needed crisis about what is really important to him.
Be strong. If he says he will leave after your speech, then LET HIM. Call his bluff. Do not live this way. Better to know now.
Here is my spin on it:
Quote:
I have seen you move out and then back into this house and not one word from you about what is going on with us. I feel you are not putting effort into this marriage. You give me the sense that you really don't want to be here with me.
(NOW for the important part of the speech)....."I have decided (and say it exactly with those words of "I HAVE DECIDED) that isn't what I WANT. I don't want a man that can't or won't be a partner and I most certainly don't want a man that just up and leaves his family as he pleases.
(AND THE SECOND IMPORTANT PART : TWO options : Work on the marriage or get the F out) Put the burden of choice ON HIM.
If you want to be married to me, I want:
1) Counseling 2) Complete transparency 3) .....(You and others can fill this in)
Otherwise I will file for D and I would like you completely moved out by the end of this weekend.
Doing this at a public place is a good option, or Email, or person to person if it is safe.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
