I am in AWE of your stand, AFG. I am sure you had prayers lifting you up, but you are one tough woman. As I read your account of this, I kept picturing you as Joyce Davenport, on the old Hill Street Blues tv show. Beautiful, but tough as nails.
Interesting, all I was picturing was Lorena Bobbitt
Me 44 She 46 S13 D9 M18 T23 3 years DB'ing Successfully busted
You did great. Don't listen to his threats but go get your own legal information. Stay strong.
"My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground upon which I stand." Thich Nhat Hanh
Maybe it would be worth it to call the police after ten minutes - if he hasn't left with the ho - just in case one or both of them gets crazy. That's what you could tell the cops - "Hey - my H has his OW in our home and I've given them ten minutes to get out. Could you be here to make sure I am safe while they leave." I would do that. Greek
Yes, exactly Greek ^^^^ that was my thinking, that we both live in our house, both our names are on the lease, but she is a trespasser to me in my home and police could force her to leave. That's why I was willing and ready to call them.
Originally Posted By: Greek
What next, AFG? He's gotta go, girl. Greek
I'm finding the best lawyer I can now.
Originally Posted By: Greek
Ummmm...you're not answering that text.
What next?
Do you have a lawyer? Are you divorcing him or are you still working on things? I read back through your thread to get a feel for where you are, but catch me up. Are you done or what? Seems to me that if you were not done before, you should be now. AFG ~~~ what he has done is unbelievable ABUSE and DISRESPECT and beyond the pale of anything that I have EVER heard of EVER!
He is SORRY he caught you off guard with all THIS. THAT is what he is SORRY for???? Off guard - like "Gee, should have given you notice. Regret that I didn't." He is a disrespectful man-child who does not deserve anymore tolerance from YOU.
Greek
No, I never did answer either of the texts. And yes, I am fully done now. Completely agree with this being the biggest disregard of me and lack of respect that he has ever done. How in the world he thought that what I would just bend over and take that or go and run and hide in my room or leave the house and talk to him later about it???? I just want to know what kind of crack he is smoking now to be this far removed from any resemblence of the person he used to be. Absolutely Mind-blowing!
Originally Posted By: CityGirl
I hope you take all these suggestions and have him packed up by the end of the day. I also hope you call an attny first thing in the morning. And I *really* hope you don't respond to the text or any other form of contact with your H.
Go totally dark, get your ducks in a row, share NOTHING with him and seek legal counsel.
My H has pulled some stunts but this is beyond horrid and so disrespectful it's not even within my realm of understanding. I do understand though. My H went on a vacation with OW funded by HER BROTHER while he and I were supposed to be working on a settlement of our assets. He didn't tell me he was going until he was on the plane then suggested to be via e-mail that once he got OW to bed he would get online and we could work on the settlement during his vacation. LOL! That was when my attny stepped in and took over. Now I have 80% of our assets, 1/3 of his after tax income per month and health/dental/vision for the next three years along with all my legal fees paid and I kept the apartment and all our possessions
The WAS "script" is one thing. Tolerating emotional abuse is another. I am sorry you had to experience such a thing.
I plan on following everything said above to a tee!
Me-34 XH-33 No Kids We were M-12Y T-15Y 5/09 Same house-separate bedrooms 01/10 I filed for D / H moved out 09/16/10 Divorced
So sorry you've experienced this. Your H doesn't deserve you.
Right now is the time to summon your inner queen. A Queen is above it all: the petty interactions, the grimy peasants and their disease-ridden wenches, etc. A Queen, however, is secure in her personal power, and *that's* why she can rise above it all.
After all, a queen would not argue with someone beneath her. She would simply make the best decision for herself and her kingdom *no matter what* antics anyone threw her way.
That's not to say that the Queen doesn't rail and scream and weep in private. She has a heart--a big one--and sometimes things hurt. But she never shows that to the one who's wounding her. She just draws her boundaries with a detached but firm air, and lets what happens, happen.
YOU are dignified; YOU have self-respect and respect for your vows. When you *do* have to interact with H, remember that. Practice the amused smile, the checking your watch, the "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I have decided X."
You are a strong woman; I don't think I could have maintained that kind of self-control. I have no doubt that YOU will be 100% fine--and a stronger, better human being--in the end.
SD
This was so inspiring and encouraging - thank you from bottom of my heart.
Originally Posted By: Kimmie Lee
What's next, more kitty pictures?
Seriously, was he dropped on his head? What sort of human being believes that this sort of behavior is normal?
This made me LMAO. Yes, wouldn't that be a riot to start getting kitten picture texts again. ROFL.
Originally Posted By: Greek
AFG ~~~ I don't see it as "retaliation" to deny him the ability to share a home with you. I mean, what would it take for you to throw him out? Some behaviors demand a strong consequence and I believe this is one. He has violated every decency I can think of and gets to sleep in his own bed (the same bed) tonight. If he beat the stew out of you, would you let him in the house again? If it were me (and I know, I know - it's not and you have to make your own decisions) I would have my father there waiting on the door step to tell him that he better not try to take one foot in that door or hell will rain down on him. And the only contact I would have with him would be through the most successful lawyer in my city.
Greek
Yes, my brother and a few other close friends are ready, willing, and waiting if and when I need to call on them.
Me-34 XH-33 No Kids We were M-12Y T-15Y 5/09 Same house-separate bedrooms 01/10 I filed for D / H moved out 09/16/10 Divorced
And I agree with puppy too, I think that hes scared, Let him live with his skank, if shes not classy enough to feel uncomfortable being with a man when his W is in the next room is perfect for him!
Retaliation would be setting his stuff on fire, or spraypainting his truck,
If you are willing to commit this much to a man who totally doesnt deserve it, then someone is going to win big when they get you, so let him go have fun with his chlamydia, I mean gf.
I think he's scared s***less right now too!
Would love to do all of the retaliation ideas suggested, plus a few of my own - LOL!
Yes - I can't wait until the day when new Mr. AFG is holding onto me tight.
I wouldn't touch H now with a 10 foot pole after seeing her now.
Originally Posted By: oldtimer
It will not hurt you legally to leave H's stuff alone. It might hurt you legally to do otherwise. Wait for legal counsel. You might also want to get legal counsel before you get a better paying job. It may put you in a worse position. I believe that in most states, H CANNOT remove you from his health insurance without your permission. I'd also skip the menacing text that could be taken as a threat. It won't help you legally and could hurt you legally.
You are doing great. There is nothing to reply to. Stay busy, get some legal support. You need to know: what is the best way to get the best financial settlement if you D?; what can you do to guarantee financial support during separation?; how can you protect yourself from H's mounting debt? what can you do to prevent H from bringing his GF to your home? (For instance, can you file a suit against her? If so, perhaps you can tell H and his GF that if she enters your home again that you will do so.)
^^^^This was exactly how I was thinking about it and why I haven't chosen to remove H's belongings (yet). Hopefully the lawyer will be able to clarify. And thank you for those direct questions, I will print out and have them handy so I can ask them.
Originally Posted By: soleil
AFG,
Did you get pictures of them after all?
Originally Posted By: bluerain
Let him live with his skank, if shes not classy enough to feel uncomfortable being with a man when his W is in the next room is perfect for him!
Omg, yes!!! What kind of woman knowingly goes to a married man's house and is holed up in his bedroom while his wife is there??!! A cockroach, that's who! No discretion whatsoever!
No - I didn't take the pic, got too wrapped up in the moment with adrenaline pumping and nerves and forgot to. But he knew the notion was there and I meant business by it for sure.
My thoughts exactly on the kind of person she is to be ok with coming to our house with the situation as it is. I'm sure H is feeding her all kinds of BS lines like "We're just roomates now and she is just here until she gets her job and leaves." making it seem like even though I've accepted and am perpetuating the divorce, I'd be ok with her there because I know he's moved on. What a load of HORSE S***! Yes, that all might be true, but it doesn't mean I will stand there and be disrepected and slapped with it in the face like that, sorry pal. Sometimes I think he lives in some kind of hollywood movie idea in his mind that we'll all just get along fine in the end. GRRRRR.
Me-34 XH-33 No Kids We were M-12Y T-15Y 5/09 Same house-separate bedrooms 01/10 I filed for D / H moved out 09/16/10 Divorced
I am in AWE of your stand, AFG. I am sure you had prayers lifting you up, but you are one tough woman. As I read your account of this, I kept picturing you as Joyce Davenport, on the old Hill Street Blues tv show. Beautiful, but tough as nails.
Puppy
This meant so much Puppy as you have been one of my main mentors on the boards and following my sitch. And I have to admit I was curious to know what you thought of how I handled things, not that it really matters since it was already done. But, I have tried to faithfully follow your advice and counsel and credit you for being a huge part of the self-growth I have experienced over these past few months. ((((PDT))))
Me-34 XH-33 No Kids We were M-12Y T-15Y 5/09 Same house-separate bedrooms 01/10 I filed for D / H moved out 09/16/10 Divorced
Yes, stay strong! I don't care what kind of "fog" he is in, this behavior is off the chart bad!
Does his mommy know that he brought some broken down old wh*re to YOUR home to f, and then expects you to "go to your room like a good little girl?"
LMAO - Yes, mommy knows and is ready to do Lorena Bobbit manuever to him herself. H is so far gone he has not contacted his parents in months. H used to check in with his mom at least once a week. It has been heart-breaking and gut-wrenching for them.
Me-34 XH-33 No Kids We were M-12Y T-15Y 5/09 Same house-separate bedrooms 01/10 I filed for D / H moved out 09/16/10 Divorced
