Donna...I love your questions and I wish I had some sage answer for you because then I would have one for me too
what helped me move past my ex was the thought that maybe just maybe he wasn't who I thought he was
(it was easier for me because he really wasn't however...that recognition was a hard won battle for me)
If I recognize that he wasn't who I thought he was then I could mourn for the relationship I thought I had had all the dreams that went with it because it isn't just the reltaionship that was lost
what hurts more is all the plans all the growing old all the time that was lost
and I can beat myself up relentlessly over mistakes I made how I could have handled things differently
it is a loss a death it is OK to mourn for that
i knew I could never be friends with my exes i didn't like them they were unkind to me
not the kind of people I want in my life
doesn't mean I want them to splatter on the pavement or feel intense pain (well not anymore) but it was a choice like OT said
i chose not to be friends I also was friends with mutual friends of ours that I let drift away too
they weren't bad people it was just a choice I made
it makes me feel more powerful to know it is my choice to feel the deliberate movement
maybe you will not get to the place you want ot be with him that doesn't make you unsuccessful or a failure it just means it isn't possible
which isn't helpful, I know
I am int he most wonderful amazing relationship better than I had ever even known to dream my ex was a sociopath and still there is loss and regret and pain
it is what it is it means OUR feelings were not fake we felt what we felt and we felt deeply
maybe accepting that will help a bit
(or I am just hopped up on cold medicine and made no sense...sorry)
