how do you go from thinking of coming home to filing for divorce after the 1st of the year???
from what u are saying he is trying to justify that? thats he is hurting over his poor decisions?
his reasons...the ONLY ones he has given to date is that he is suffocating...he feels trapped...
he is taking this out on me and im not who is doing it , it is his family that is crunching him on all of his decisions...i dont agree and want him to come home at some point...not like this though!
suggestions???
all i can do right now is hold back tears in front of the girls...im crushed, though it was getting better...
me 39 h 38 kids 9 and 6 h left 8/9/09 loving and devoted wife and mother still going...10 months later...
how do you go from thinking of coming home to filing for divorce after the 1st of the year???
Don't know. And you're spending too much time trying to justify or rationalize his behavior.
You may never know the answers to these questions, at least not until he's ready to open up to you.
Originally Posted By: lost1234
from what u are saying he is trying to justify that? thats he is hurting over his poor decisions?
Or hurting is causing him to make poor decisions, yes.
Originally Posted By: lost1234
all i can do right now is hold back tears in front of the girls...im crushed, though it was getting better...
This is not a battle that will be won in days; more like weeks or months.
You need to focus on yourself for now. If nothing else, he may come to see you as one less source of stress in his life. That may be enough to reopen that door.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
ok i do get that...it seems to be a vicious cycle however he NEVER even mentioned coming home b4...
how (NO JOKE INTENDED) do i put him off as far as filing???
Leave him alone. The more pressure you put on him to make a decision, the more likely you'll be to get the one you don't want.
Originally Posted By: lost1234
lrt or what? i havent even finished reading the book...
The last resort technique is exactly that; when you know that you are likely to lose the relationship and have tried everything else. It's called the LRT because you are basically giving up on your relationship and hoping the shock to your spouse brings them to their senses.
If you aren't ready for that, you're not ready for the LRT.
Last edited by TrentC; 12/07/0910:17 PM.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
trent...im not putting pressure on him...his family is
I told him b4 that i want him to do what he needs to do and then hopefully be able to give our family a chance..
then they get on him so to speak about his wife and kids...
i dont even speak to them about any of this. whatever they are saying is NOT coming from me. i guess its just easier for him to take it out on me...than them?
me 39 h 38 kids 9 and 6 h left 8/9/09 loving and devoted wife and mother still going...10 months later...
trent...im not putting pressure on him...his family is
then they get on him so to speak about his wife and kids...
Then that's his problem, not yours. They'll be on his case after you're out of the picture.
Originally Posted By: lost1234
i dont even speak to them about any of this. whatever they are saying is NOT coming from me. i guess its just easier for him to take it out on me...than them?
Yep. Tell him to take it to the people who are giving him grief.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
how do u do the separation thing in the same house? is your w feeling better?
ya know when my h said this to me today I was looking right in his eyes...he has been gone almost 4 months...all of this crap and all he wants is to be left alone and happy? he been getting that, the anger is still there and he doesent seem to look or act any happier than he was b4 he left! THEN he still blames me and the marriage?? sad
me 39 h 38 kids 9 and 6 h left 8/9/09 loving and devoted wife and mother still going...10 months later...
how do u do the separation thing in the same house? is your w feeling better?
She is feeling much better. And we're kinda past the separation thing right now; we're trying to struggle through the holidays then get back to scheduling some joint MC.
The answer to the separation thing while in-house is focusing on GAL and 180's. Even if she didn't have something to do, I did.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
