It seems to me that you're borrowing trouble here--the real issue is in fact that your wife has not dealt with abuse-induced fear of and rejection of sex. How age or pregnancy MIGHT have affected her libido or whether they'd remain an issue if she began to confront her issues is theoretical at best, and pretty much irrelevant at this point. It's just another roadblock....
Though you may be right about the sexual abuse, we don't know that for sure. What you're proposing is also a MIGHT. I can't afford to approach this as a linear problem, banking it all one assumption and waiting for that to be resolved first. My wife has been in her own therapy for years to work through these and other issues, and then we were in couples therapy for a while too, and that's not all. I have several (make that many) times confronted her with the vital importance of dealing with her sexual abuse, even after her therapy, on the assumption that it was THE problem. She has to decide to do more on that, if that's what's needed. I can't do that for her.
It could be a combination of all these problems. I don't think it's too much of a burden to weigh more than one possibility at the same time.
And so my question remains, how do I best deal with the possibility that menopause and hormonal effects of childbirth are factors? And how do I deal with the fact that she's never had an orgasm? Which means it's not a case of "getting back" to the sex she had before. She has an even bigger up hill than most women in that she'd have to reach even higher function than she knows from experience.
