She foots the bill. She pays her own way. Plus, if I tried this approach, she would give it to me right away. I convinced her to hold off for my own well being. She wanted to divorce immediately. Maybe the cause is lost?
I tried the constant flood of attention, affirmation, notes, etc. It didn't work.
So 180 that. Be mysterious, GAL, lovingly detach etc
Quote:
Plus, if I tried this approach, she would give it to me right away.
Really, how do you know? Because she told you?!!?!?!
Quote:
I convinced her to hold off for my own well being. She wanted to divorce immediately
She uses the threat of divorce to make you jump, she holds the power until you agree with her. "Wife, I have decided this marriage just isn't working out. Let's get the ball rolling on the divorce." Watch the dynamic change.
Quote:
Newton's First Law of Motion: I. Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it.
Apply some external force. This is how you get out of limboland.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
If you snoop now and discover something your Holiday is FUBAR, do not do that to yourself but more important to your kids. You deserve to know, but you also deserve to enjoy your holiday, ignorance is bliss. January, however, is another story.
Being a f-ing mess with my kids on Christmas isn't exactly one of the top ten things I want them to remember later on in life.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
You're probably right. Just let go and see. I am worried that she can't come back on her own, she'll need to know that I want her. At some point. She calls almost every day. I have begun ignoring them. I'm afraid she'll think I'm back to my old ways. But then again, making her a princess didn't work either
At this point, I don't feel comfortable driving by her apartment and snooping. What does it gain me anyway? The advice is the same either way, leave her alone
We actually went to do the online divorce paperwork. I know she would go that far. I know she was willing to pay for it. Maybe she would be shocked into action if I filed. I don't believe so. Financially it is better for me to hold it of. I also wanted to buy some time. I truly believe she is going to crash and burn financially and emotionally. I hope not, but she doesn't think logically at this time in her life. Makes poor financial and relationship decisions
I truly believe she is going to crash and burn financially and emotionally.
...and then you'll ride in and rescue her? Is that the plan?
Doesn't sound like the way to forge a healthy relationship to me.
You're also assuming that she won't find someone else to be her white knight (sugar daddy?) in the meantime...
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
That is not the intention at all. I don't know why I want that extra time (except financially). I don't want her to fail. I truely don't. I think that time may make her realize the mistake she's making (if she's making one). She hasn't lived apart from me in a long time. The clouds may separate and the light shine in.
I would like to influence her decision. Maybe I shouldn't. I appreciate all the great advice. I really do. A "sugardaddy" could come to her rescue. That's life. I just don't like the idea of life leading me. Being passive. But, maybe that's the way to go on this one. Pursuing her didn't work when we were together. Maybe it won't work when we are apart. What do I have to lose by trying. I'm just trying to make informed decisions with the input of others.
So the best idea is to move on and let her go? Her personality is such that she probably wouldn't let me know even if she wanted to come back. Afraid I would reject her. Afraid of the hurt she has caused. Of course, we would have a lot of work to do before I would even think of taking her back.
A key to DBing is to stop doing what isn't working. You've said you've been making all of these improvements and she acknowledges them and yet still doesn't want the M. So why would TRY EVEN HARDER at what hasn't been working.
Again, the euphoria thing. She probably thinks this neighbor has this great life. In two months, when it's 2 a.m. at some dive bar and a fat slob is hitting on your W she may wonder why she gave you up.
You have to trust that the single life isn't better than married life with you. If it isn't, then eventually she'll want to come back -- if you want her.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
