here we go again

[Jstar]

I feel like i'm trying to protect d of having a come and go father. he has not said anything about setting up a schedule for visitation and seeing as he jump back across the boarder at anytime with daughter i'm a little skeptical of just letting him have her with no boundaries.

i think that it should start slow and he should have to prove that even if he bailed on marriage and birth of other child that d2 was another person he left behind. in trying to protect d2 of knowing one day to the next if her dad will be in her life or not, if his "work" schedule will interfere or obligations to his mother and father will stop him from seeing her or just being a no show. i have never been able to say to daughter , you're going to visit with dad today, it's well, me keeing this comment to myself of telling nothing until he has shown up to see or on more cases not showing when he says he will.

if she is such a priority for him, why only call once a week just to know if she's okay? I would call every day, be where she is just to see her under any circumstance and not let anything but police stop me from visiitng with her. He could suggest a time but doesn't just asks if she's okay.

now that i'm not being a total doormat and begging him to come back it is shocking to him. i think to continue with my progress to set boundaries of how and when he can see her. remember he could have showed up to concilliation to talk about visition but didn't, she wasn't that important to him that day. maybe his life isn't so great as he thought it would be. i don't know.

i know i ask for advice but i'm not ready for the silence to stop. i am contemplating having another person speak to him about my boundaries in reference to daughter and if he wants to respect my boundaries then we can go from there, if he can't or won't all the better i kept my silence. i even contemplated just sending him a letter explaining my boundaries for visitations with daughter and the like. i am not ready to speak to him nor see him or engage in any text battles. i fear if i did speak to him it would be extremely difficult for me to control myself and remain in db ing mode.

i still feel like he's a grown man and i've explained to him whether he listened or not what he would need to do to and why should i be explaining or telling him what to do, i would dislike it greatly.

a few weeks ago he was watching daughter while i worked and just dumped her at mil, and there were issues there of neglect, how am i to know that is not going to happen now? i don't, i can't control mil. he apperently thought it was ok for d2 to stay in pj's all day, to not inform me she had fat lip, for her dirty diapers to remain on. d2 now is using bathroom regulary, not even using diapers or pull ups, she wouldnot at mil's, she will pee / poop with my niece and at niece's day care. obviously d2 is much happier and thriving with the change i made in who cares for her and those are actions i can see and measure. whereas at mil's i don't get to know anything that goes on with her all day, naps? eating? potty? injuries? for me that feels a lot better knowing she is safe, and reduces my stress level of the mil and wah. if that is selfish then so be it. I think that part was a good decision for d2.