Can I save my marriage?

[TrentC]

I see what you two are saying. If I have gotten one thing out of this it has been strength. If it comes down to hanging out then I can forgive, as for any intimacy I dont think I can.

Then you need to work on your exit speech.

I need to talk to him about his reason for being there before I bring up OW.

Um... why, exactly? If he's not there to work on the R, he's not likely to be honest about his motivation; he needs to keep you wriggling on the hook, after all.

I heard the news and believed it about 60% them after talking to a few friends that may know telling me no, I am at about 40% now.

I'm not sure what you mean by "believing it 60%" or "believing it 40%". You either believe he has had/is having an affair, or you don't.

I dont know how else to find out for sure without asking him?

Well, you can't do that; he'll deny it, and if the affair is ongoing he'll just be sneakier about it.

As PDT said, if this is a dealbreaker then you have to have independent verification and evidence (or be willing to throw away whatever progress you have made on your R by going on a hunch).