My W actually does want to read the book I suggested once I am done reading it. She hasn't taken my parenting tips when it comes to her not cussing like a sailor in front of my girls. And true she hasn't been totally into having to take them to C. However, even that is now changing and she is becoming more involved in that. So anything is possible.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I hesitate to ask this, but I would be interested in your take on my latest post today on my thread.
SG, sorry for the hijack.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I am not so sure CG. This has nothing to do with SG pursuing her H. It is simply a suggestion to help him try and form a better R with his kids for their sake and his. He obviously wants one, but I am not sure he knows how to go about doing that and might... I say might cautiously... he might actually appreciate it if he really is serious about wanting to somehow build bridges with his kids.
I could be way off base. It was just a suggestion.
Kevin
Are you telling me that he doesn't realize that they way to go about having a better R with his kids is to sit down and be honest with them?!
Right.
He has seen them 3 times in almost 6 weeks. In that time, he has spent maybe 2 hours total with them. My D10 calls him by his first name. She says he isn't acting like a father. If she knows how he should be acting, surely a grown man should know.
He doesn't build a relationship with them because he is a coward. He doesn't want to deal with the fallour.
When somebody walks out on both a W and small children they are aware on *some* level that they are forever damaging the R with their children. The WAS may never acknowledge the damage they are doing but they are aware. Any form of "fixing" by the LBS smacks of control and will only push the WAS away. Your W has not at all been receptive to your parenting tips so this you should know.
If the WAS chooses not to co-parent in an appropriate and proper manner then the LBS must act "as if", be the best single parent they can be, move forward w/o the parenting assistance of the WAS and let the chips fall where they may when it comes to the R the WAS has with the children. A LBS can't "fix" that R and it must be done by the WAS. Sometimes it's too late and other times it's not. At the end of the day the WAS is a grown man and if he desires an improved R with his children he will move mountains to reach that goal and will work hard to use all resources available.
But no, unless they ask, the WAS isn't interested in resources, books or websites to improve any R's - it pushes them away and reminds them of the destruction they caused.
Hear! Hear!
I would hate to be in his position right now. He was a very involved father, so I know he has to be suffering over the way his kids are treating him. That is the main reason why I almost want to ask the kids to reach out to him.
Well, you certainly know your H better than I do, and I don't disagree with your take on it. It sucks for the kids. But it all goes back to his own doing.
How are you doing? Did you keep your plans?
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
As far as how I am doing... My friend suggested I have H take the kids. She says I shouldn't have to give up my life because he left. Oy!
H texted me to see if he could visit. 3/4 said no way. He texted me that they are going to have to get used to it eventually, so I replied that they'll settle in soon, but right now they need to feel how they feel. I suggested that if they don't come around by the end of the month, HE could force them to visit. He replied, how about WE force them to visit.
Ummm. no. I'm not forcing them. I told him I would continue to tell them he loves them, but if he wants to force them, he'll have to do it.
Help! I'm weakening. I feel guilty. Should I ask H if he has Christmas plans? I hate the idea of him beling alone?
Ask yourself that again in 48 hours.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
