I'm new wondering if this works...

[TrentC]

I heard S crying "ow" when I woke up so I went in to ocmfort him. H says sarcastically "thanks for nothing."

I felt put down, because I didn't mean to do anything wrong. I asked for clarification "What do you mean?" H stonewalls. I asked him to please not say a comment if he doesn't want to explain - we can talk about it later. H angrily: "We talked about this last night! I thought you would know what I meant!" We had talked about six topics in anticipation of MC, so i was unclear. H storms off, sulks and says he will not talk.

If it's H's turn to get his son ready, why did you get involved at all? You should be willing to protect and defend your kid, but unless you have a reason to believe something is wrong, let your H handle it in his own way.

The best way to have responded to the initial barb was to smile and say "OK, you have everything under control" and leave.

You've got the pattern identified, now the trick is to not fall into it.

I bring S to table for breakfast. H threatens: "Since you seem to be doing everything, I'll just let you do it all and leave." I say calmly, "No, this is your morning - you said you would get him ready. I do not want to discuss discipline in front of S." H continues to raise his voice and threaten "NO! You will do it, I need to go!" So I stand up for myself, "No, our agreement was that you will take him. I will not discuss this now." (boundary)

What is the boundary? What are the consequences if he chooses not to respect it? Because he violated it and nothing appears to have happened.

I go into my room and close door. H follows me in shouting. I continue to say "Stop it, I do not want to talk about this now in front of S." H continues to raise voice. He accuses me of "taking 20 min. holding S when he only has 10 min to get to work."

You need to get a lock on your bedroom door; or, get dressed and leave. He should not be able to corner you like that.

I had held S for 5 or 10 min. because he said he wanted mommy, as far as I could tell there was still 30 min. to get S to school. I literally plugged my ears until he stopped. It was awful.

So why do you want to save this relationship? He has zero respect for you, is verbally abusive, and is emotionally manipulative. It looks like he walked all over one of your boundaries with no repercussions.

You're right; your son should not see that. But you can't change your H, so the best you can do for the two of you is leave.