I had a quiet weekend. Sans kids. Except for marching with S8 in the local Christmas Parade (as part of our cub scout pack) I didn't have the company of my S's.
On the way to the parade, S8 started a conversation with me -- another one of those conversations. He started out by saying, almost out of the blue, that I tend to say "bad things" about Mr. OM, but his mother never says anything bad about my friends.
I quickly assessed that this was another sudden veering into unhealthy conversational territory. I asked S8 to clarify -- did he mean "bad" or "negative"?
He said, "negative".
So I said, I am sorry, but yes, I do occasionally say negative things about OM. However, there's a whole world of difference between that, where there are very justified reason for how I view OM (that he is not a person that can be trusted or relied upon, and is certainly not a role model), and xW refraining from saying anything about my friends. First of all, his mother has absolutely no grounds on which to judge my group of friends, but the converse is certainly not true. I explained to S8 that I have a legitimate stance regarding someone like OM who had an active role in the dissolution of my M, the splitting of S8's parents and the destruction of his family. None of my friends, past of present, had even a remote role in harming our family.
I told S8 I was sorry if my views of his mother's "friend" seems unfair to him. He is still quite young and some day he is going to have to judge for himself the real character of OM, but for now he needs to understand that he doesn't have all the information.
I then asked him if this was something his mother has been talking to him about, and he quickly denied it.
I changed the subject off of this matter, but it has stuck with me. I am quite certain she has been again talking to him about my (mostly unvoiced, but otherwise understood) opposition to her inclusion of OM in everything they do now, what amounts to her attempts to foment a fatherly relationship between this stranger and my S's. As such she is still trying to paint me as a hateful person to them.
Hateful? No. Jealous for my S's? Most definitely. (My S's already have a father!)
But I cannot control what she says to our children, either directly or through insinuation. All I can do is to continue to talk to them, keep the lines of communication open, and to lead by example.
I just hope I can instill enough judgment, values and discernment in them that they can faithfully see things for themselves.
