Young couple in need of help

[sumguy27]

If there is one thing I have learned over the past year and a half, is that you have to let go and move on before anything will ever work out.

I have run this cycle of detaching for a while and having my H throw a small bit of bait out for me and then I get reeled back in and he totally backs off until I detach again and he get's scared and so on and so on.

It has not been until I have totally let go and said to myself and believed that I will be fine without the marriage if that's what happens. Otherwise they know we are desperate and they hold all the cards.

I know it is hard, but you can't get hung up on her every word or small action that indicates that she might want to work it out. You have to stay detached, work on yourself, and keep going out and having fun (maybe minus the alcohol since it seems to not go well). If/when she changes her actions significantly and makes solid motions towars your marriage, then you can work on the R. First work on you and focus on the kids.

Sorry to hear about the job. That is no fun, but maybe a wonderful new opportunity will present itself. Are you still going to school? It seems like you said something about that a while back.

CP

Cupfullofhope,

It seems to be the cycle I am in. We did have our talk and yes it didn't go well. I said I will give you this month of Decemember to really think what's going to happen with the kids and us. I told her I won't bug her and that we will have another talk next year.

I wasn't going to invite her to my daughters party I threw for her this past saturday. Friday night a mutual friend of ours and had text and said she wanted to come but wasn't invited. She had asked me to invite her for the sake of the kids. I wanted to be nice and invited her and said for her to come and be a parent instead of a guest. She said repeatively that if she is coming it doesn't mean we are getting back together and its just for the kids. Its like she always has to convince herself that over and over. I never even mentioned it and told her to stop and just come if she wants too. She came late as usual, stayed for about a 1 hour and half and left.

I wasn't surpised about that at all as the friends wanted her to stay. I did cook 2 of her favorite dishes to see if she would have noticed. Her famous lime, ground pork salad and my pho beef noodle soup.

Yes it is very hard because I do get hung up on every little word or small action she does that throws me off. I really really just have to let go completely and move on with the door open still for her.

And yes I was going to school this year because,....I'm embrassed about this I dropped out of High School back when we were dating. I was going through rough times with my own family. So from the get go, while she was in school I did all her homework, reports, and pushed her to finish highschool while I supported her. I pushed her to go to college and get a career. While the whole time I was working my way up. So it took a lot of out of me to pick myself up when I hit rock bottom to go get my GED.

I'm very proud of myself to have accomplished that for myself for a change. All I have now is hope and have to just face my fears. The fear of letting go and to see that she never comes back. I'm just going to have to walk right through it as there is nothing else I can do.