Frustrating day with the hubby today but I guess that's what I get for trying to push things. It's funny he left me and yet he says he's the one that's too hurt to talk about things. I was the one that was rejected how the crap does he think I feel. I should be the one that's too hurt to talk. He keeps saying "you never know what will happen" and "I will always love you" and things like that that give me hope but then he won't do anything to try to move forward.
Me-29 H-37 M-5 yrs T- total 10yrs- Best friends to dating to married No kids together- He has S14 Got Speech-071509 Left-071609 Currently living apart Legally Seperated 102809 Found out about OW 120709
Here is what just happened- I asked my husband to lunch over our work communicator and he said no he's not ready. I said "okay I understand that but you can't blame me for trying. It's been 5 months now and I know things take time but eventually we need to sit down and talk about things. We haven't had any talks per your request about our R but I eventually need closure if you want me to give up or if there is some hope then we need to see what steps we are going to take to save our marriage." His response- he blocked me from our communicator. So I went crazy and probably just ruined everything. I sent him and email and said" Well blocking me says it all. The terms of our separation are complete so I guess there it’s anything further to say or do. You have what you want- I give up. I will always love you but I cannot continue to allow you to continue to hurt me. Goodbye." I guess it's time to go dark and just see if he wakes up if not maybe not talking to him will help me move on.
Me-29 H-37 M-5 yrs T- total 10yrs- Best friends to dating to married No kids together- He has S14 Got Speech-071509 Left-071609 Currently living apart Legally Seperated 102809 Found out about OW 120709
Well I have had reservations for months and I decided to call his phone this morning and listen to his voicemails. I listened to 14 messages from another woman telling my husband she loved him and missed him and needed him. Part of me is so upset but the other half is relieved because now that I know I can move on. Cheating has always been a dealbreaker and he knew it. So that's it. This divorce is not going to get busted.
Me-29 H-37 M-5 yrs T- total 10yrs- Best friends to dating to married No kids together- He has S14 Got Speech-071509 Left-071609 Currently living apart Legally Seperated 102809 Found out about OW 120709
Well I have had reservations for months and I decided to call his phone this morning and listen to his voicemails. I listened to 14 messages from another woman telling my husband she loved him and missed him and needed him. Part of me is so upset but the other half is relieved because now that I know I can move on. Cheating has always been a dealbreaker and he knew it. So that's it. This divorce is not going to get busted.
But doesn't this indicate that he's NOT been calling her back, if she's leaving so many that all say the same thing???
Well I have had reservations for months and I decided to call his phone this morning and listen to his voicemails. I listened to 14 messages from another woman telling my husband she loved him and missed him and needed him. Part of me is so upset but the other half is relieved because now that I know I can move on. Cheating has always been a dealbreaker and he knew it. So that's it. This divorce is not going to get busted.
But doesn't this indicate that he's NOT been calling her back, if she's leaving so many that all say the same thing???
If the fact that he even had an affair is a dealbreaker then, well, you have your boundaries. No one here will hold it against you if want to file for D; we are here to support you in whatever you choose to do.
But PDT has a point: whatever is, or was, going on may be over. With some time and effort (and clearly-stated boundaries and transparency), your relationship can recover from this.
The choice is yours.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I think they are maybe on the outs but if they got to the point of saying "I love you" to each other and they are past the honeymoon phase and are starting to have problems then it really makes me wonder how long they were together. We have only been apart for 5 months. The night he came home and gave me the speech he swore on his grandmother's grave he wasn't seeing anyone and he said my trust issues were one of the reasons he was leaving. He swore he would never cheat. He said if things didn't work out that he didn't want another woman ever again. He lied about everything. I could maybe forgive him if it was just sex but they have a relationship. He jumped out of our relationship and into another relationship just like the one he said he didn't want. I just don't know that I can ever forgive that. I don't know that now that he knows I know if he would even want to try again either.
Me-29 H-37 M-5 yrs T- total 10yrs- Best friends to dating to married No kids together- He has S14 Got Speech-071509 Left-071609 Currently living apart Legally Seperated 102809 Found out about OW 120709
The night he came home and gave me the speech he swore on his grandmother's grave he wasn't seeing anyone and he said my trust issues were one of the reasons he was leaving. He swore he would never cheat. He said if things didn't work out that he didn't want another woman ever again. He lied about everything.
I am having such a hard time not snooping on my husband but I can't help but look for answers. I went through our phone records and noticed a number appearing often over the last couple of months late at night and long conversations. I asked him about it and he said it was a co-worker but I called it and someone named Tiffany answered. I told him I knew about Tiffany and he said" You never trusted me anyway so why should I explain myself now. You won't believe me anyway." I look at his desk today ( we work in the same building, diff shifts) and there is a receipt for dinner Sunday(the same day he bought new clothes) at Red Lobster. He never wanted to go shopping with me and never went to Red Lobster with me in the 10 years we were together. The reeipt was for 2 entrees a kamakazie which is his drink of choice and a Bahama Mama- obviously a female was with him. So now I'm wondering if maybe he is really cheating. _________________________
Twist, You posted this on August 6th. Here's your sign. Tried warning you then.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
The night he came home and gave me the speech he swore on his grandmother's grave he wasn't seeing anyone and he said my trust issues were one of the reasons he was leaving. He swore he would never cheat. He said if things didn't work out that he didn't want another woman ever again. He lied about everything.
It's funny how he blames your "trust issues" for his leaving when he "swore on his grandmother's grave" that he wasn't having an affair, and was lying about it. (Hint, hint: it's not really about your trust issues.)
It is paranoia if people really are out to get you?
Originally Posted By: twistfigure
I could maybe forgive him if it was just sex but they have a relationship. He jumped out of our relationship and into another relationship just like the one he said he didn't want. I just don't know that I can ever forgive that. I don't know that now that he knows I know if he would even want to try again either.
Standard DB prescription for rebuilding trust: if he wants to come back, he gets to provided you set clear boundaries that he must honor, plus he agrees to NC with the OW and full transparency.
If he won't do it, well, you already know your limits.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
enjoy it and let him worry about him.