Hi AFG. Im so sorry, this is one of the worst things that I have heard of somone doing. And I agree with Greek here, moving his crap out is NOT retaliation, its protecting yourself from him doing this kind of thing again. And I agree with puppy too, I think that hes scared, and I think that a sweet little line like that will scare him even more. Let him live with his skank, if shes not classy enough to feel uncomfortable being with a man when his W is in the next room is perfect for him!
Retaliation would be setting his stuff on fire, or spraypainting his truck, not removing his things from the marital home after he has expressed such extreme disrespect to you and your M is very different, and I dont think that it would hurt your case one bit. You dont need him and his kind around you, so set a boundary and get him out of your way.
If you are willing to commit this much to a man who totally doesnt deserve it, then someone is going to win big when they get you, so let him go have fun with his chlamydia, I mean gf.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Ok - I know it's super late, but I just got home from being with friends and trying to get my mind off of what went down even though it didn't help much.
First I'll pick back up with exactly what went down from when H came out into the kitchen.
I heard someone coming out of H's bedroom and shut the door behind them. I left my bedroom and went to the kitchen and H was walking out to the kitchen and says Hi to me. I follow him into the kitchen and said "Is there someone else here in the house with you?" H looks at me and doesn't respond. AFG "Is your girlfriend here in the house with you?" H "Well she isn't my girlfriend, but yes there is someone here with me. And I told you on Friday that I would be here." (AFG wanted to laugh out loud at that comment that OW wasn't his girlfriend and had only wished OW would have heard him say that. OMG - can you imagine?!?) AFG "You said that you might have some people over and we've already had this discussion that she is NOT to be one of those people." H starts to motion me towards my bedroom and says quietly "Let's go talk in there." AFG stands firm "No, what I have to say will only take a minute." and continues "I feel that you have completely ignored my requests in regards to bringing this person here and you have completely disrespected me now. The peaceful negotiations that we had previously have been broken. You have 10 minutes to have her leave or I will be calling law enforcement to help me." AFG sits down at kitchen bar counter with glass of water and her cell phone.
H is standing across from me and looks stunned and starts replying "Ok, you do that and you don't know what the repercusssions will be from this. I am dropping you from my health insurance, I'm taking you off the car insurance, I'm not paying for your cell phone anymore, I'm not paying for anything anymore etc. My name is on the lease and I am the one paying for everything and shouldn't have to be told what I can and can't do in my home. And you have two weeks to be out of here."
AFG just calmly during his whole tirade and just kept nodding and said OK, told him he couldn't evict me from my home and we would let the legal process take care of that and then kept looking at the clock and telling him how many more minutes he had left. At the 4 minute mark H says "Fine we'll leave, but give me an hour to be out of here." AFG "No, I'm sorry but you had 10 minutes and you have choosen to use it standing here. You now have two minutes." H just stands across from the bar counter staring at me. Clock gets to one minute mark and H says "Fine we'll leave." as he is walking to his room. H goes in his room closes door and locks it. I hear him talking to OW.
I go to my room and decide to give him like 5-10 minutes to come out or I will go knock and tell him I've called police. H comes back into kitchen and I go out to kitchen. H says "We're leaving." I say "Thank you." H "Are you just going to stay out here and make a big scene?" AFG "No, if that's what you think I'm sorry but I won't." H "Yeah right, I know you." AFG "Ok, I'm sorry you feel that way." H "Can't you just go and wait in your room?" AFG "No, I'm sorry but this is my house too and I don't have to go and hide in my room." H "Fine we'll be out of here." as he starts walking back to his room again. AFG "How long will it take?" as I start walking towards my room. H "10 to 15 minutes." AFG "Please understand that I am being EXTREMELY patient right now and the faster the better." H "Fine." and goes back to his room.
I go in my room and type a quick post on the website here and then grab my camera at someone's suggestion. Go back to kitchen to wait. H comes back out "Oh so you're not going to stay in your room." AFG "No, I'm sorry but I'm not." H "What's with the camera?" AFG "I want to take your picture." H "Why? What for?" AFG "Because you just helped my divorce proceedings immensely." H "What do you mean?" AFG "You'll find out, don't worry." H "Fine, you can take my picture, go ahead. And I know you're going to have something snide to say aren't you." AFG realizes that H thinks she is going to make a scene is going to prove that she isn't and starts trying to walk around H to go to his bedroom. H blocks me and says "what are you going to do?" AFG "I just want to say Hi, my name is AFG is all." H "Fine, I'll bring her out here."
AFG goes back into kitchen to wait. Few minutes later H comes walking around the corner rolling OW's big-ass zebra print suitcase. Little ways behind him she comes around the corner and I was shocked. She was not at all like the mental image I had captured/created in my mind from the two second look at the pictures I had back in September. She is older, looks worn down/out, trashy, yucky, icky. I was most suprised by that, because that was not what I was expecting at all. Anyways I just smiled at her and said "Hi, my name is AFG." She has big J-Lo sunglasses on so I can't see her eyes, but she says back with a sheepishness "I'm OW." I then repeated her name back to her because she said it low and I wanted to make sure I heard it right." OW "Yes." AFG "Ok." H is by the garage door opening it to take her suitcase out and she is behind him. They are both kinda of stalling weirdly, like just waiting for me to blow up or have more to say. But I just stood there watching them both and did a mocking smile on my face. H looks at me before closing garage door and says Bye.
I still can't believe how powerful, dignified, controlled, and completely brave I was during that entire episode. I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF!!!!
15-20 minutes after they left I got the text from H while I was on the phone with his mom telling her what happened. "Thank you for being calm. Sorry if I caught you off guard with all this." And then about another 45 minutes later another text "Guess your not going to respond?". I never responded to either. I read PDT's advice just a little while ago and figured a middle of the night text was not in good form. So maybe tomorrow morning I will send that one? Or just let it lie now?
I left the house within an hour after they left and when I got back here tonight at 2:00 a.m. H isn't here, which I expected. His work shoes are still here though, so I know he'll have to come by in the morning.
I have no problems packing his crap and having it ready by the door for him, but he is the one paying all the bills. I work part-time and can't afford to pay the bills with my income. So we've had an agreement during this in-house separation that I buy all the groceries and cook and clean the common areas of the house as my contribution, while he continues to pay everything else. I have been looking for a full-time job so that I could afford to move out on my own, but haven't been able to secure one as of yet. That is why I wanted to seek legal counsel/representation first to make sure of what my rights are before kicking him out, for fear of him not paying anything because he isn't here anymore and/or hasn't been mandated to do so legally.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate all the hugs, encouragement, and words of support that I received during this unbelievable day. I am still in shock and haven't come down from the adrenaline pumping through me all day yet to process the real and raw emotions of it all. It feels like a complete out of body experience. Not even one tear shed today which is pretty insane for me. I'm sure they will be coming soon...ugh.
Me-34 XH-33 No Kids We were M-12Y T-15Y 5/09 Same house-separate bedrooms 01/10 I filed for D / H moved out 09/16/10 Divorced
AFG: you are incredible. You handled that unbelievably well. I don't think anyone on this forum could have given you better advice on what you could have done than what you actually did - much less do it themselves!
Don't sell yourself short. Sure, we're all human but see what strength you've found in yourself.
Down to brass tacks now I guess, making sure of where you stand financially and how you can best enforce his compliance with that.
As for your H, I would calmly pop a few of his fingers if I were there with you. That or nail a testicle to the table while Greek or someone punches him (gotta give him an incentive to take those punches like a man, that or lose a nut). Sorry, I just don't have anything positive to say about him.
Just to add another voice of support ...
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
It will not hurt you legally to leave H's stuff alone. It might hurt you legally to do otherwise. Wait for legal counsel. You might also want to get legal counsel before you get a better paying job. It may put you in a worse position. I believe that in most states, H CANNOT remove you from his health insurance without your permission. I'd also skip the menacing text that could be taken as a threat. It won't help you legally and could hurt you legally.
You are doing great. There is nothing to reply to. Stay busy, get some legal support. You need to know: what is the best way to get the best financial settlement if you D?; what can you do to guarantee financial support during separation?; how can you protect yourself from H's mounting debt? what can you do to prevent H from bringing his GF to your home? (For instance, can you file a suit against her? If so, perhaps you can tell H and his GF that if she enters your home again that you will do so.)
I was reading your thread via my cell as I was Xmas shopping yesterday but couldn't respond. I was seriously praying for you and want to commend you for not decking him in the forehead!!! Jesus! Did you get pictures of them after all? DO NOT text him back or call him or anything. He deserves not to be able to come back home. Don't let him bully you into how he's not going to pay your cell or bills. What a complete moron!!!
Originally Posted By: bluerain
Let him live with his skank, if shes not classy enough to feel uncomfortable being with a man when his W is in the next room is perfect for him!
Omg, yes!!! What kind of woman knowingly goes to a married man's house and is holed up in his bedroom while his wife is there??!! A cockroach, that's who! No discretion whatsoever!
Originally Posted By: aflowergurlie
H "Are you just going to stay out here and make a big scene?"
H "Can't you just go and wait in your room?" AFG "No, I'm sorry but this is my house too and I don't have to go and hide in my room." H "Fine we'll be out of here." as he starts walking back to his room again.
H comes back out "Oh so you're not going to stay in your room."
And I know you're going to have something snide to say aren't you."
They are both kinda of stalling weirdly, like just waiting for me to blow up or have more to say. But I just stood there watching them both and did a mocking smile on my face. H looks at me before closing garage door and says Bye.
The balls this man has is incredible!!! He is so lucky you didn't light him on fire in your very kitchen with the stove! Kudos to you for being the classy chick that you are and he is scared as all get out right now, by what you said about how he just helped your divorce proceedings. Leverage, baby, yeah!
AFG, you should be proud of yourself! You handled that situation better than I would have that's for sure.
Please do get some legal counsel today.
While your H has proven himself to be the lowest dirtbag out there, he still may succumb to guilt. I currently don't work so my BF pays all of the bills plus my spending money. When I kicked him out of our house he didn't even make a peep about cutting off the financial support because he knew he was in the wrong.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Ok - I know it's super late, but I just got home from being with friends and trying to get my mind off of what went down even though it didn't help much.
First I'll pick back up with exactly what went down from when H came out into the kitchen.
I heard someone coming out of H's bedroom and shut the door behind them. I left my bedroom and went to the kitchen and H was walking out to the kitchen and says Hi to me. I follow him into the kitchen and said "Is there someone else here in the house with you?" H looks at me and doesn't respond. AFG "Is your girlfriend here in the house with you?" H "Well she isn't my girlfriend, but yes there is someone here with me. And I told you on Friday that I would be here." (AFG wanted to laugh out loud at that comment that OW wasn't his girlfriend and had only wished OW would have heard him say that. OMG - can you imagine?!?) AFG "You said that you might have some people over and we've already had this discussion that she is NOT to be one of those people." H starts to motion me towards my bedroom and says quietly "Let's go talk in there." AFG stands firm "No, what I have to say will only take a minute." and continues "I feel that you have completely ignored my requests in regards to bringing this person here and you have completely disrespected me now. The peaceful negotiations that we had previously have been broken. You have 10 minutes to have her leave or I will be calling law enforcement to help me." AFG sits down at kitchen bar counter with glass of water and her cell phone.
H is standing across from me and looks stunned and starts replying "Ok, you do that and you don't know what the repercusssions will be from this. I am dropping you from my health insurance, I'm taking you off the car insurance, I'm not paying for your cell phone anymore, I'm not paying for anything anymore etc. My name is on the lease and I am the one paying for everything and shouldn't have to be told what I can and can't do in my home. And you have two weeks to be out of here."
AFG just calmly during his whole tirade and just kept nodding and said OK, told him he couldn't evict me from my home and we would let the legal process take care of that and then kept looking at the clock and telling him how many more minutes he had left. At the 4 minute mark H says "Fine we'll leave, but give me an hour to be out of here." AFG "No, I'm sorry but you had 10 minutes and you have choosen to use it standing here. You now have two minutes." H just stands across from the bar counter staring at me. Clock gets to one minute mark and H says "Fine we'll leave." as he is walking to his room. H goes in his room closes door and locks it. I hear him talking to OW.
I go to my room and decide to give him like 5-10 minutes to come out or I will go knock and tell him I've called police. H comes back into kitchen and I go out to kitchen. H says "We're leaving." I say "Thank you." H "Are you just going to stay out here and make a big scene?" AFG "No, if that's what you think I'm sorry but I won't." H "Yeah right, I know you." AFG "Ok, I'm sorry you feel that way." H "Can't you just go and wait in your room?" AFG "No, I'm sorry but this is my house too and I don't have to go and hide in my room." H "Fine we'll be out of here." as he starts walking back to his room again. AFG "How long will it take?" as I start walking towards my room. H "10 to 15 minutes." AFG "Please understand that I am being EXTREMELY patient right now and the faster the better." H "Fine." and goes back to his room.
I go in my room and type a quick post on the website here and then grab my camera at someone's suggestion. Go back to kitchen to wait. H comes back out "Oh so you're not going to stay in your room." AFG "No, I'm sorry but I'm not." H "What's with the camera?" AFG "I want to take your picture." H "Why? What for?" AFG "Because you just helped my divorce proceedings immensely." H "What do you mean?" AFG "You'll find out, don't worry." H "Fine, you can take my picture, go ahead. And I know you're going to have something snide to say aren't you." AFG realizes that H thinks she is going to make a scene is going to prove that she isn't and starts trying to walk around H to go to his bedroom. H blocks me and says "what are you going to do?" AFG "I just want to say Hi, my name is AFG is all." H "Fine, I'll bring her out here."
AFG goes back into kitchen to wait. Few minutes later H comes walking around the corner rolling OW's big-ass zebra print suitcase. Little ways behind him she comes around the corner and I was shocked. She was not at all like the mental image I had captured/created in my mind from the two second look at the pictures I had back in September. She is older, looks worn down/out, trashy, yucky, icky. I was most suprised by that, because that was not what I was expecting at all. Anyways I just smiled at her and said "Hi, my name is AFG." She has big J-Lo sunglasses on so I can't see her eyes, but she says back with a sheepishness "I'm OW." I then repeated her name back to her because she said it low and I wanted to make sure I heard it right." OW "Yes." AFG "Ok." H is by the garage door opening it to take her suitcase out and she is behind him. They are both kinda of stalling weirdly, like just waiting for me to blow up or have more to say. But I just stood there watching them both and did a mocking smile on my face. H looks at me before closing garage door and says Bye.
I still can't believe how powerful, dignified, controlled, and completely brave I was during that entire episode. I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF!!!!
15-20 minutes after they left I got the text from H while I was on the phone with his mom telling her what happened. "Thank you for being calm. Sorry if I caught you off guard with all this." And then about another 45 minutes later another text "Guess your not going to respond?". I never responded to either. I read PDT's advice just a little while ago and figured a middle of the night text was not in good form. So maybe tomorrow morning I will send that one? Or just let it lie now?
I left the house within an hour after they left and when I got back here tonight at 2:00 a.m. H isn't here, which I expected. His work shoes are still here though, so I know he'll have to come by in the morning.
I have no problems packing his crap and having it ready by the door for him, but he is the one paying all the bills. I work part-time and can't afford to pay the bills with my income. So we've had an agreement during this in-house separation that I buy all the groceries and cook and clean the common areas of the house as my contribution, while he continues to pay everything else. I have been looking for a full-time job so that I could afford to move out on my own, but haven't been able to secure one as of yet. That is why I wanted to seek legal counsel/representation first to make sure of what my rights are before kicking him out, for fear of him not paying anything because he isn't here anymore and/or hasn't been mandated to do so legally.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate all the hugs, encouragement, and words of support that I received during this unbelievable day. I am still in shock and haven't come down from the adrenaline pumping through me all day yet to process the real and raw emotions of it all. It feels like a complete out of body experience. Not even one tear shed today which is pretty insane for me. I'm sure they will be coming soon...ugh.
Wow. Screw the grade inflation:
I am in AWE of your stand, AFG. I am sure you had prayers lifting you up, but you are one tough woman. As I read your account of this, I kept picturing you as Joyce Davenport, on the old Hill Street Blues tv show. Beautiful, but tough as nails.
Yep, get a lawyer immediately. You need to get some spousal maintenance put in place by a judge, asap. And believe me, you will get it.
Do NOT listen to the ridiculous threats of your "h"
In fact, I am surprised that you would listen to ANYTHING he has to say about anything anyway. Do not answer any more of his calls or texts. Just communicate through an atty.
AFG you're a remarkable woman. Talk about 'courage under fire'... you are an exemplary example.
Originally Posted By: Kimmie Lee
It's time for Shock and Awe.
I FULLY AGREE!
No woman should be exposed to this kind of treatment. It's because of gutter-slugs like this that good men have a bad name. Slam this piece of garbage and take him for everything he's got.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
