Donna--finding herself #37

[Reincarnated]

Friends, thank you for the notes. I do appreciate the advice about the in-laws.

However, while that situation is challenging and I'm still unsure what I will end up doing for Christmas, it is really something else bothering me entirely.

I don't think, deep in my heart, that I have closed the door on my ex, even though he has most assuredly done so with me.

I just miss him. Past all the anger, and hurt and betrayal, I miss him. And I am angry with myself, impatient to get past all this.
I have great doubts that I ever will.

So....this brings me back to the relationships with his family, with him, going forward.

IF there were to ever be some...God, I don't even want to write it down here, it seems so pathetic given others' stories...I can imagine all of the shaking heads...

Maybe the question is, how late is too late? How much damage is too much damage?
Is staying distant and dark only making sure that any hope is completely squashed? Couple that with the questions of, am I strong enough to be open to a friendship with my ex, accepting that he is with someone else (thoughts of that bring me great pain)? Is this the only way that there would be some future possibility? I almost feel like I am back at square one...
trying to save something that hasn't been for a long time.


I think that maybe I am still crazy...