"No she hasn't called the shrink."-Just by you knowing this means you are still focused to much on her
"So would the next just be living, like she is?"-Exactly...living for yourself...expanding your horizons. Not sitting at home thinking about what the other person is doing, thinking, feeling, stalking, etc.Living your life for you...and stopping all this over focus on your wife and her actions which still are controlling most of your actions.
Your goal should really be "Living your life for yourself while being open to the possibility of reconciliation, not the expectation or hope"...you are still hoping and focusing on saving your marriage...once you get by that you will actually be closer to the possibility of reconciling than you are at the moment.
Thrive to me means to grow and get stronger in good and positive ways. To improve.
Dark means not contacting her, except in emergencies about the kids and bills and for nothing else. Certainly not to tell her you understand her position now.
Twilight is a crappy book, and movie.
Please listen to Lost about goals.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
talked to s on phone last nite, he said dad when u gonna like fball again and quit reading the bible and praying so much.
ur nothing like ur old self dad,ur fun,but ur not urself.
he must've talked to me for 5 min's about all the things he's noticed.
what i didn't know til later was he said all that in front of his mom.
so how do i put on a tuff facade with her, when the kids have told her how much i hurt and that they've seen me cry and that i'm reading, praying, etc?
so how do i put on a tuff facade with her, when the kids have told her how much i hurt and that they've seen me cry and that i'm reading, praying, etc?
I do not do the I told you so BS. It is pointless.
Can you see the reasons for the advice we gave you previously about NOT involving your children now?
A facade? First off, no tricks, I don't think you're capable of tricking her. More importantly tricks won't get you want in the long haul. So stop trying to trick her.
Praying doesn't make you weak, Reading the Bible doesn't make you weak. Not watching footbal doesn't make you weak, and crying doesn't make you weak. Hurting doesn't make you weak. If she thinks you're weak because of these things, she is wrong. You are either weak or strong because of who you are and resiliance to shitstorms.
You don't want your kids reporting back to mom? Stop keeping them informed of what goes on in your head about their mom.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
well i got the attitude, won't even let the kids talk trash on her.
won't let my family talk trash on her.
grieving for all 4 of us, that's what sux.
i got a great d, she knows what's going on, she's not my support, i'm tuff for her, i got to be, but not going to lie to them, this isn't their mom right now, be patient with her.
with wife, she hasn't seen me cry, she's only heard that i have.i'm reading and praying cause i want to. should of done it sooner, there's a lot in proverbs that had i known that book, may not have been in situation i'm in.
what's frustrating though, love my wife, like she's my own flesh, turning the other cheek, being nice, seperating the person from the behavior, but to have anyone else see it, including her is frustrating as heck.
i've told my family, dad, etc. to mind their business, don't need their advice, no i'm not going to be mean and i'm going to keep my word, so what she spent money, a lot, there isn't any wrong that i don't see love can cover.
what's really frustrating is she told me to worry about her and to not divorce her, just give her space and reduce her stress, do those things, then she files.
SHE WAS ADAMANT DO NOT LEAVE ME, when all this started, i'm still putting her first, i gave her my word, she's a great mom and woman and no i can't control her. what the kids no is i love their mom and that yes she's done things, but i'm not angry with her.
they've seen the invictus poem and they both say now, don't give up kid.
kids pray with me now. know what i'm going to get them for xmas.
Don't say Bible, don't say Bible, don't say Bible... At least not only a Bible. Maybe something they will appreciate in the here and now and a Bible that they will find comfort in throughout life, later.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
She has lost my D, not officially with the court or anything, but D is refusing to stay with her.
I emailed wife a book of all, i mean everything, that i take blame for in our relationship.
I don't know if you all knew, but in July she wrote down things going in her mind and body...
So in my email, after i acknowledged my failures, i addressed all the positives of her, then all things that were on her homework she had written down mo's ago.Then i put things that i felt made her go through what she's going thru.I know the reasons and i know how she felt about her life and what she felt was wrong with her, from back then.
Asked her to re-read things that she asked for 2wks ago.That i can't fix things for her.
In the email all can hope for is a possibility, in the mean time she needs to know,she's losing the kids,my atty wants me to monitor her behavior,not going to pay anymore than court order,not going to respond to her chaos.
if she would consider, so she can truly feel free,indefinate seperation,follow the court order, but then she doesn't have the added stress of me having to give anything to my attorney.included the fact i had copied the skype conversation and not S'ing myself and i refuse to be a broken down desperate man. incl'd ur going to work thru this on ur time,but maybe if u'd go to the shrink at ur convenience and work thru ur feelings vs stress of what ur husband's doing or not doing, u might actually feel freer than if just run. at this pt, don't have anything to get vindictive over, but might want to consider how a court might look at what's going on.
in return will give you all the space in the world,avoid you, the house,i'll focus on kids,maybe work more and give you a little more money, divorce kids suffer, she's going to suffer, because will protect kids and i.
and want to protect all of us, just not kids, but this would allow you to be freer than if a court gets involved.
today after bball game, she told me to have a goodwkend and gave me new health ins info.
lost it on her a little bit ago, guess she was sick last nite, so vs letting me have son, she had son spend the nite with that neighbor. texted i've asked nice repeatedly, only f'ing father figure kids need in their life is me, not angry or threatening but do not do that again, stole time from son being able to be with his dad and you gave it to ur boyfriend,not jealous,angry,threatening,just disappointed.
