Not Me...Ever part 2

[Serenity13]

Thank you Gardener & Luv...

I haven't been on all weekend so I will check the songs out shortly Gardener -

Luv I will also check out the one you mentioned...

Had a nice weekend...Didn't really do anything other then hang out with the boys and then Church yesterday.

My family decorated for the holidays however my heart isn't in it so I just avoided that scene.

I have been thinking and realized that my H opened "that" door almost 9 months ago and now at this point in time, I am unsure if we can ever close it...

The CS letter was letting me know they needed oldest S birth certificate and since he was born out of this state, that will take some time which just extends the time when I need H to be financially forthcoming for his children.

I spoke to my MIL the other day and let her know I was thinking of hiring a lawyer after the new year (I have seen a lawyer just don't have one on hand)...

While she understands, she doesn't want me to make any rash decisions and she hates for me to think about going against my beliefs, however I am leaning towards the fact that I'd rather risk making some wrong decisions in life rather than making no decisions, living in limbo and expecting what somebody else does or doesn't do to determine the outcome of my life.

I am unsure if I can just move forward without filing - To me (regardless of what I believe), his actions show he is willing to leave things as they are just to continue to be the good guy.

I am still waiting for the strength within to let me know what I need to do - It will come and until it does, I will continue to take my baby steps out into the world.