Or WHAT IF--and I know I get a 2x4 for this--his friendly little email was a reaching out?
How am I to know if a friendly email from him is him testing the waters, or just luxuriating in the joy of me pining for him while OW satisfies all his other needs?
How do I know?
We don't know at this point. Your response to him was fine. Try not to get caught up in "what if" this or "what if" that. Worry can become a dangerous habit. If you would have responded in a different way, then you would be worried if THAT response was wrong. The issue here is not what you said, but in the worry and second guessing of it.
If he was testing the waters then your response was fine and he will test again. If he wasn't testing the waters, then your response was fine.
Anxiety and worry have been my hallmarks all my life. (part of what I am working on for my 180's!)
I sometimes have succeeded in resting comfortably with decisions by saying: 'hey, you know yourself. you know any decision you make you are going to worry it was the wrong one. So just make a decision and embrace the "what if!" that you are inevitably going to do"
It has helped in career questions and other areas. I can try applying it here.
Thanks!
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
Just came back from an excellent run. Going to do some tasks for one of my volunteer projects; then hang with a friend who is ill; then an evening of music with other friends!
I may second guess myself, but I do keep going!
Thanks for the support.
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
Ahhh, but now I "remembered" this morning that my "90" or 180 is to NOT be so independent. Not to become a clinging vine, of course, but to show that I do need/want him in my life.
And here I go saying: Got the bills without you! no problem!
And I try to remember that HE blew off the November bills--apparently no concern then. Enjoying the gf and no responsibilities.
In all of everyone's wise advice, remember that I did not do much clinging, crying, begging. Sucked it up and acted pretty calm after 48 hours or so. So he isn't seeing much 180 there. So that is part of my struggle to find balance.
Did start reading Dobson's Tough Love last night. I skimmed over the Christian stuff (no offense to anyone, but it isn't my thing) and I do have to say I am amazed that he seems exactly in agreement with DB. Keep your dignity, demand respect.
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
If people see you out reading books about relationships... If you talk about the books your reading. If you talk about what your learning on relationships to friends, this can be a 90.
A better 90 / 180 People talk. Voices carry.
If we can see through your thinly veiled attempt of clinging on and persuing when he is in an affair. Just think what he thinks... Reread that post from me last week.
Stop calling her a GF. Start calling her OP. OP = Other Person.
I am fairly sure that he is fairly isolated from our mutual friends. Just find it hard to believe that he would hear from someone: "oh, avermont is learning alot about living/loving Rs. Really seems to be thinking alot!"
Had a tough couple of days of severe non-detaching, so am coming from a fairly down day perspective.
Will work on my PMA! have meetings and rescue duty tonight, so people need me to be on my game!
Thanks as always.
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
