Went to lunch with X and lasted oh about 3 hours! Lot of good information was shared. Not only did X bring up the whole moving in thing again, but she did so about 4 or 5 times. After a couple of times of saying it, she said "Is it crazy for me to think that down the road we could start dating, then live together, then maybe one day get remarried?" I replied with a simple no it isnt.
X brought up C that we went to in regards about how she used to feel about how other people are going to think about the decisions she makes. X said "I dont care what people think, I make my own decisions now and they just have to deal with it", something like that. X always thought she was going to let other people down when making decisions.
The whole OM was brought up quite a bit by X. He wanted to marry her, (granted he is less than 30, been married/divorced twice! which i couldnt help myself to crack a joke about it after hearing about him alot and X was wondering how I knew. I had to say "maybe 3rd time would have been a charm for him." I know I shouldnt have but also knew X would be allright with it). X had a ring and everything picked out and it finally freaked X out. Said it finally hit her that she wasnt ready for that and all it would bring in a mixed family, this and that. X said thats not how god intended it to be and I agreed with X on that part and how I believe kids should have one set of parents and not halves, and she took it one step farther with even steps. X has same belief as me that two kids are enough, specifically one of each as we have. This OM wanted more kids so that also freaked her out. Talks as if he is still around but couldnt really figure it out or ask about him. One of the things X mentioned when X kept saying "be friends, date, and live with us" was that we should tell whoever each has been talking to that we are getting back together so deal with it.
X also talked about every time they went on the boat with her family how they called OM my name every time and how her family really missed me on those lake adventures. Thought that was hillarious! Our names both start with J, so just really funny. X mentioned quite a few times about how her dad has always thought highly of me. X said she has talked to him about her feelings and also her mom about how her mom regrets leaving her dad. X even said when there still was a chance right after filing the same thing about how her mom has always regretted but X finally says she understands now.
X did have her moments of shedding tears and apologized and also said your probably dont want to hang out with me anymore since I have cried like this. I said no, thats not true, its ok.
The last time we ate, X said in regards to me racing now "you finally got to do what you wanted". I wanted to be a smarta$$ about it but bit my tounge like I have done a lot of lately cause no reason for it. X said she wanted to come watch me but never did this past summer but dont know if she could watch somebody she knows out there (think she wanted to use different words like loves or cares about). X asked what I was going to do the rest of the night and said go to shop and work on racecars. I also said to the fact since the weather was cold, I would be sitting in a tree. X figured out about archery deer hunting and commented that I never did that while we were together. I said yes the last time I shot my bow up until this year was over 10 years ago. I told her a friend at the shop who has always rifle hunted got his first bow so had to give him some competition.
So all and all I know where X stands now. I also know the saying "believe nothing you hear and half of what you see". X texted me a few hours later and said thank you for today. It took me a while to reply because I was thinking carefully what to say so I said your welcome, when is the next time? I said whenever and she said you tell me, just let me know, i picked today.
I have good feelings and I have doubts but I think the good feelings out weight the doubts. X did say how childish she was and non appreciative, misses the space in that house we had (that I still have that I rent out) (oh and if I moved in with her, the roles would be reversed since its her house this time X said with a lil laughing) and that she just saddened I know about all those bad parts about her and wishes I could just see only good out of her and forgive her for all the wrong doings she did. X kept saying life is too short.
So for now, will just take it easy and hang out and see what happens. Just really sucks it has to go this far for them to see the light. X acknowledge when I said "i told you how it was going to be" by saying "ya, you obviously had thought it out and knew". X also complimented me on being responsible, good work ethics and taking care of the house that she didnt know anything about until getting her own place so she has a whole new respect about everything. We did talk about other stuff, our jobs, the kids, people we know so it went pretty good.
