Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[SoldierDad]

I have to know something. If there are any WAS reading my sitch, did you ever THINK about what you were doing? Did you THINK of the damage you were causing? Did you ever THINK about your kids, and what they were going through? Did you ever THINK that you were acting irresponsibly? Did you EVER worry about your children while you were out with OP? Not sure why I want/need to know this stuff, but I just can't wrap my mind around my W behavior. I cannot fathom how a person can go from one extreme to another, and NOT feel some sort of pain/remorse/emotion for their children. I just don't get it...

[SoldierDad]

Never mind, forget my previous post. I don't wanna know. It wouldn't change anything anyway.

[goldeylox]

Dude, I hope you're just venting.
There was no third party in our sitch, we have other issues.
You gotta trust me here, rushing into a custody battle is very bad for the PMA, and very expensive. People told me, "Kids are resilient" but I panicked anyway.
I hear fear in your voice.
Yes, this site is about busting up divorces. It is unrealistic to expect that every sitch will be saved. It will take two to fix things. Besides, you'll still need to deal with her after the D (if that's where it's going).
We're here for 'ya, either way. Peace.

[SoldierDad]

gl, ya, I am. I am at the point now, that I am 90% sure I am going to file. The latest round of lies, improper care for my boys, and her overall nonchalant attitude, just solidifies that stance. Clearly this woman is not interested in anything but herself, and whatever "business" she is conducting. I have admitted my mistakes, I have identified my shortcomings, I have owned up to everything she has told me I did wrong. I own it all, I accept it. What I don't accept is her being able to disregard the safety and welfare of her own children-not to mention someone else's children, to facilitate her actions. I am very protective of my boys, and when they are placed in harms way, I go into protect mode. The only problem with that is-right now, I am unable to protect them as I am deployed. I am scared. I am fearful. I didn't ask for this. I now have to deal with it. I have to overcome that fear, and stand up for myself for a change. 4 days to go...

[goldeylox]

While home, be sure to get yourself a couple of good consults. Just because you file for D, does not mean you are D.
I agree 100%, it's about the kids. My friend (our D mediator, now Goldey's friend and ally) is fond of saying, "Children should not have to pay the price for their parents' stupidity."

[Deep]

SD, if you went through enough threads, you would have found references to the "fog" and "alien". That's what's happening. The fog is the WAS's life. They in it, live for it, and it defines them.

I completely understand how you feel "done". That's not your W you're dealing with now. You can't live your life wondering when she'll "be back", so you do what you must. That's not say the fog may not lift sometime in future.

Wishing you and your boys the best ...

[Super Girl]

(((SD))) My heart breaks for you. So much to worry about from so far away... Try to hang in there. You'll be with your boys soon.

[SoldierDad]

Goldey, Deep, thanks. I am definately visiting a few lawyers when I get home. I have read, re-read, and re-read again, looking for something, anything that I can look to, to show me that this is a temp thing with her. I just dont see it. Maybe it is because I am so angry with her for doing this to me while I am where I am. Maybe it is because I am so protective of my boys. Maybe, I finally see a side of my W, that I have been lying to myself about, to stay with her. I mean, I have to look back at our M, and I didn't get a quarter of the emotional support/dedication that I gave to her. I just took it. I would tell myself, "it's better to not just start a fight", it's better to just let her win this one. Well, now that I look back, that wasn't such a good idea. I enabled this behavior, and I am beating myself up over it. I know I played a part in all of this, I KNOW I did. But it doesn't excuse her behavior with my boys, and thier friends. I dunno, not sure if I'm coming or going right now. Gotta get focused, and do it really quick. 4 days to go until the real fireworks start...

[Coach]

Contact your BILs tell then you can't get in touch with the boys. No answer on the home phone or anybody's cell phone. Put it in a e-mail so it is documented. Let them know you are concerned about their safety. Make it very business like.

This isn't permanent. That's pessimisic thinking. Fireworks are for entertainment, you will head home focused on solutions.

[SoldierDad]

Coach, either you are the eternal optimist, or you are so familiar with this stuff, you see things in my sitch, that tell you what is really going on, that I cannot see for the life of me. I think you are familiar with it. I am continuing to DB, but to be honest, all I'm seeing from her, is very irresponsible behavior, and an unwillingness to acknowledge it. The solution is easy to write/talk about, the hard part is the work involved, and a willingness to accept that whatever happens, I will be a better man because of it. I have not heard from PI, could be a few more days as he said it could take up to 5 days to compile report. I am scared of what I am going to learn.